(so named for obscure historical reasons)
5/4 c flour
1/3 c turbinado
1/4 t salt
1 t lemon zest
8 T margarine (1 stick)
2 t egg replacer mixed with 2 T w
Preheat oven to 400F.
Whisk the first group of ingredients thoroughly. Mashing with a fork, add margarine a tablespoon at a time. Continue mashing until mixture is nice and pebbly. Then mix in about half of the egg replacer. Or use a food processor's dough beater, ya big yuppie.
Evenly line the bottom of a 9-inch springform pan with about a third of the dough. What do you mean not everyone has a springform pan? Listen, do you want cheesecake or not? I thought so. Ok, pay attention. Thoroughly poke the bottom (don't get any ideas) with a fork, then put in the oven until golden brown, about 5 minutes.
Now use the remaining dough to line the edges, about 1/8 inch thick. Well duh it's still hot, you have to let it cool first! When you finish that, brush the bottom and edges with the remaining egg replacer. This is to seal the crust a bit so the filling doesn't make it too soggy. K, then...
2 lbs firm tofu (not silken, fool)
8 oz Tofutti or Soymage creamcheese-like substance (optional)
1 c turbinado
3/4 c maple syrup
1 T oil
1 t vanilla
lemon zest
Mash the tofu into very fine little pieces with a fork. That's right, show those soybeans who's boss. Do it in a bowl or something, not just on the counter. Once you have a nice mush, mix in the creamcheese-like substance (CCLS). The trick is to beat in as little air as possible so that the cheesecake comes out firm and doesn't crack from air pockets. Mix in that other stuff too, kinda all at once, the less mixing the better. Though if you still have big chunks of tofu floating around, it's gonna be kinda weird. If you're super lazy you can just throw it all in the food processor and it'll come out ok, but it won't be a true expression of love anymore. But what do yuppies know of love?
Pour the filling slowly into the crust, then place in an oven that's preheated to 500F. You knew that because you were smart and read the whole thing before starting. Bake for 15 minutes, then switch the oven to 200F and bake for another hour. Then prop the oven open with a wooden spoon or a human skull or something for about half an hour so it can cool. Then stick it in the fridge at least over night. Cheesecake = love.