The Soft Wand of Steelbone

[Christopher Gonzales]

Another former psych major,,, another Chris posting,,,  Steelbone tells us
of a corner of the globe called Canada; evidently he believes the globe has
corners.  Perhaps he is innured to the solution.  Perhaps he *likes* it
that way, wishing to send us off the edge of the earth into an abyss of
monsters and hellfire,,,

I used to edit a magazine with hundreds of Canadian subscribers.  Each
issue sent to Canada was reviewed for its political content.  Occasionally,
an issue would not get through and hundreds of Canadian subscribers wanting
to claim their copies would show up at our offices.  Imagine the rabble and
chaos!  Those lusting, hotblooded Canadian subscribers, crammed into our
little office, groping around, pants around thier ankles, blurred amidst a
flurry of scattering papers and unfinished manusripts, searching for extra
copies of my work!  My, how inexorable and passionate were those Canadian
subscribers!  I would stand upon my desk, drop my pants, flash them my cock
of presidential proportions, and shout, "Stop!" and silence would befall
them, dropping to their knees, heads down and silently humming, "Ohm, ohm."
 I would come down and give each one of them the latest copy of the
magazine along with a Hershey's Kiss.  It became a sort of ritual with us.
We all depended on those issues not getting through.

As a writer, I say:  Go ahead, censor, drive me underground, I'm happier
there.  I speak ebonics and I rule the black margins, the exiles, the
outlaws.  Fear of censorship is in fact a *great boon* to my livelihood.  I
tell 'em to fear censorship but it's all really a delicate exchange of
power.  Their preterite little minds never find out I always get what I
want.  It's a power called street cred, ya know?

I write to put bread on the table.  Occasionally when I can afford it I put
a black man trussed up on the table.

The pleasure's all mine,

Chris