first reading of GR: suggestions

[Mittelwerk at aol.com]

1)  sniff book.

2) read book in public places (e.g. trains, internet cafe); make eye-contact
with languid graphic-arts type in Dolce & Gabana separates; when she looks up
at you return to book somewhat self-consciously (timing here is key;
practice).

3) if someone approaches and asks, say "yeah, i just started reading it; it's
fucking amazing.  they say he's salinger. . . ."  if they express interest
but appear timid, say "well, you know, maybe you should read V first:  it's a
more traditional novel."

4) be able to steer any literary conversation to GR.  for instance:  "yeah, i
really like 'Crazy Cat;' it reminds me of this part in GR. . . ."

5) keep book visible in apartment; if stored with other books, place on top
of stack.  chicks dig it (theme intrigues them); if they don't dig it, steer
conversation towards theory of masculinist literature while slipping 'Harvest
Moon' into cd-player.

6) affect mannerisms of amphetamine-addict; lose a few buttons on the shirt;
fondle your balls in public, like an Italian street-hustler.

7) get down with culture-theory; pretend to read Eagleton; practice saying
"Jameson is full of shit; a friend of mine says he eats off of gold plates .
. ."

8) begin to use pynchon's literary techniques in regular speech.  e.g. a-and;
'that Mickey Rooney.'  if someone asks why the fuck you're speaking like
that, say; "what?"  

9) do not finish reading book.  however, always claim to be on 'fourth or
fifth' reading.

10) enjoy new perspective on life.