chemicals in your water (fwd)

[still lookin 4 the face i had b4 the world was made]

This story has a certain combination of paranoia and pranksterism that I
think others on the Pynchon list will enjoy...

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: feline extraordinaire (omni at poseidon.darkwater.com) 
Subject: DHMO in the news 
 
(someone just sent this to the no_dhmo at circus.com mailbox. 
Very funny, if disturbing in a way...) 
 
>From Saturday, April 19, 1997's front page of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette: 
Pittsburgh (PA) Post-Gazette, Saturday, April 19, 1997 Vol 70, No 262, Final 
Edition 
Page A-1 
  
Internet-inspired prank lands 4 teens in hot water 
By Dennis B. Roddy 
Post-Gazette Staff Writer 
  
    One-by-one the warning fliers turned up in mailboxes around Wylie Heights 
in North Sewickly, Beaver County: Be advised, there is a chemical in your 
water supply called dihydrogen monoxide. 
     Tasteless and colorless, dihydrogen monoxide was blamed for a trio of 
ills, severe hydration, frequent urination and possible death. 
     In fact, the flier said, dihydrogen monoxide kills thousands every year. 
     "If you drowned in it, yeah, it could kill you," said North Sewickley 
police Chief Harry Beighley. 
     Dihydrogen monoxide is the chemical name for water, and a quartet of 
Riverside High School students are up to their necks in the hot variety after 
their Internet-inspired prank made dozens of homeowners not readily 
acquainted with chemical terms hyper over hydro. 
     "You gotta give them a little bit of credit for their ingenuity," 
Beighly said of the youths. 
     The four, ranging in age from 14 to 16, told police they came up with 
the idea while surfing the Internet and came across the chemical description. 
 The Internet is also where they came up with the 800 number their flier 
advised people to call to have their water tested. 
     When residents dialed the number, they were asked for a credit card.  It 
turned out to be a phone sex line. 
     The calls to the water authority began as a trickle and treatened to 
turn into a flood.  Postal officials in nearby Ellwood City tried to figure 
out hot the fliers got into the boxes.  Residents tried to figure out how 
dihydrogen monoxide got into their water.  Joe Spanik tried to figure out how 
his name got on the flier. 
      The pranksters, on a whim, had decided to put the name of a classmate's 
father at the bottom, identifying Spanik as "county health inspector." 
      Spanik, who has twice tried to become county commissioner, wasn't 
exactly swimming in rivers of laughter. 
     "There were a few people who were mad at me," said Spanik, who set out 
to find who was troubling his waters. 
     As it turns out, Spanik's children attend Riverside High, and well, when 
you pull off a prank this clever, who could keep his mouth shut.  Trouble 
was, one of them bragged to Spanik's son.  Spanik called the police. 
     "We've had all four juveniles in to talk to us," Beighly said.  "They 
were staying overnight at one of the kid's houses and thought it was a good 
joke" when they came upon the scary description of the wet stuff. 
     It's a scientist joke as old as the kick-me sign on the back of a lab 
smock but began circulating on Internet newsgroups as early as 1994, when 
message posters carried out seemingly serious debates about the pros and cons 
of banning the stuff. 
     "Millions of gallons of the stuff are sprayed on fruits and vegetables. 
 Do you want your chidlren eating that stuff?" one newsgroup habitue 
deadpanned. 
     The Internet finally became home to the Coalition to Band Dihydrogen 
Monoxide web page, where visitors are warned of the dangers of the "invisible 
killer" so pervasive it has "been found in almost every stream, lake and 
reservoir in America today." 
     Even the Navy is in on the act, the web page warns, "designing 
multi-billion dollar devices to control and utilize it during warfare 
situations.  Hundreds of military research facilities receive tons of it 
through a highly sophisticated underground distribution network.  Many store 
large quantities for later use." 
     It's enough to make a chemistry-illiterate reader dissolve into a 
puddle. 
     The spoof coalition even lists officers such as president, chairman, 
political lobbyist and FDA liaison. 
     The four teens will get to liase a bit on their own.  Police asked 
Spanik if he wanted to file charges.  Spanik said it was just so much water 
under the bridge. 
     So instead of going up the river, the pranksters will go door-to-door to 
the 30 or so homes where they left the fliers, apologize and explain that 
dihydrogen monoxide is plain old H2O. 
     Given all the uproar, they might catch something else that begins with 
H, but isn't noted for its water supply. 
 
 
------- End of Forwarded Message 

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