EU Langois

[Henry Musikar]

Here it is -- the latest news from Europe. The
News Standard
has received this bulletin fresh from a
Brussels-based hack.

The European Union commissioners have
announced that
agreement has been reached to adopt English as
the preferred
language for European communications, rather
than German,
which was the other possibility.  As part of
the negotiations,
Her Majesty's Government conceded that English
spelling had
some room for improvement and has accepted a
five-year phased
plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish
(Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of
the soft "c".
Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this
news with joy.

Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". 
Not only will this
klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have
one less letter.

There will be growing publik emthusiasm in the
sekond year,
when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by
"f".  This will
make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent
shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the
new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more
komplikated changes
are possible.  Governments will enkorage the
removal of double
letters, which have always ben a deterent to
akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of
silent "e"s in the languag
is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to
steps such as
replasing "th" by z" and "w" by v.

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be
dropd from vords
kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of
kors be aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl
riten styl.  Zer vil be no
mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find
it ezi tu understand
ech ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru.
Vov!!!






AsB4,
Henry Musikar

Keep cool, but care. -- TRP
Moderation in moderation. -- Husky Mariner