Some finer points of grammar

[MASCARO at humnet.ucla.edu]

My buddy who sends me jokes sent me this today.  A bunch of foax have privately posted 
me to forward all of his forwardings, but since I can't remember who they all are, I send 
this to the list.   It may offend a few sensitivities (though I've tried to balance the examples 
out a little), but it is also very entertaining.
Fuckin' a--
john m
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>> 
>> 
>> Subject: My Doctoral Thesis
>> Date: Monday, May 05, 1997 8:44AM
>> 
>> A NAVY GRAMMAR LESSON...
>> 
>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>   Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English 
>> language today is the word "fuck". It is the one magical word which, just
>by 
>> its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.
>> In language, "fuck falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used
>as 
>> a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary/Mary fucked John) and intransitive (Mary 
was fucked by John).
>>   It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb
>(Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in
>John),  or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck/John is a terrific fuck). It can also be used as 
an adjective(Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late
>for my date with Mary).  It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is nice but, fuck she's  
stupid).  As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word 
"fuck".
>> 
>> Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to 
>> describe many situations:
>> 
>> 1. Greetings        "How the fuck are ya?"
>> 1a.  Spanish Marines     "Buenos fuckin? dias."
>> 1b.  Italian Marines          "Bon fuckin? jurno"
>> 1c.  USMC      "Good fuckin? mornin"
>> 2. Fraud            "I got fucked by the car dealer."
>> 3. Resignation      "Oh, fuck it!"
>> 4. Trouble          "I guess I'm fucked now."
>> 5. Aggression       "FUCK YOU!"
>> 6. Disgust          "Fuck me."
>> 7. Confusion        "What the fuck.......?"
>> 8. Difficulty       "I don't understand this fucking business!"
>> 9. Despair          "Fucked again..."
>> 10. Pleasure        "I fucking couldn't be happier."
>> 10a. More pleasure  "FanFUCKINGtastic!"
>> 11. Displeasure          "What the fuck is going on here?"
>> 12. Lost            "Where the fuck are we."
>> 13. Disbelief       "UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE!"
>> 14. Retaliation          "Up your fucking ass!"
>> 15. Denial          "I didn't fucking do it."
>> 16. Perplexity      "I know fuck all about it."
>> 17. Apathy          "Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?"
>> 18. Greetings       "How the fuck are ya?"
>> 19. Suspicion       "Who the fuck are you?"
>> 20. Panic           "Let's get the fuck out of here."
>> 21. Directions      "Fuck off."
>> 22. Disbelief       "How the fuck did you do that?"
>> 
>> It can be used in an anatomical description- "He's a fucking asshole."
>> It can be used to tell time - "It's five fucking thirty."
>> It can be used in business - "How did I wind up with this fucking job?"
>> It can be maternal - "Motherfucker."
>> It can be political - "Fuck Dan Quayle!"
>> 
>> It has also been used by many notable people throughout history:
>> "What the fuck was that?"  - Mayor of Hiroshima
>> "Where did all these fucking Indians come from?" - General Custer
>> "Where the fuck is all this water coming from?" - Captain of the Titanic
>> "That's not a real fucking gun." - John Lennon
>> "Who's gonna fucking find out?" - Richard Nixon
>> "Heads are going to fucking roll." - Anne Boleyn
>> "Let the fucking woman drive." - Commander of Space Shuttle "Challenger,"
>> "What fucking map?" - Mark Thatcher
>> "Any fucking idiot could understand that." - Albert Einstein
>> "It does so fucking look like her!" - Picasso
>> "How the fuck did you work that out?" - Pythagoras
>> "You want what on the fucking ceiling?" - Michaelangelo
>> "Fuck a duck." - Walt Disney
>> "Why?- Because its fucking there!" - Edmund Hilary
>> "I don't suppose its gonna fucking rain?" - Joan of Arc
>> "Scattered fucking showers my ass." - Noah