Jane Triple Threat: Suspiria, Lithping is Not Pretty, and In Praise of Sebastian

[Jane Grant]

3-D films I have known and loved: House of Wax, Dial M for Murder (just the telephone scene), Parasite (The Band Brothers are the Coen Brothers of Coen Brothers), and the Michael Jackson movie at Epcot (I love you, Michael!, I don't care what the little boys say about your Billy Jean, honey). I saw a 3-D Pink Floyd Laserium one time on the big A and the next day I woke up and I wasn't myself anymore! I was...MalignD! Yikes!

Believe it or not I've heard of those Euro-Trash 3-D epics you mentioned, but of course I've never seen them. I'm too young, Thomas! Young and innocent as Suzy Banyon which is why I cried (cried!) during my favorite quadruple boiler infomercial (the one with Mrs. Brady, my surrogate Ma!, looking cowed by that scary Greta the Mad Butcher of Dachau-looking woman) over those nasty things said about me by Doug the List Nazi and the usually frothy, albeit perpetually lithping, ck one. Those guys are ssssnakess, Thomas, sssssssnakess. Doug wants to make me eat shit! ck one invoked ancient shamanistic vibes meant to harsh my day. And he didn't even lithp that time! Shocking. Just goes to show you that all his lithping really is an affectation and not even a very creative one either! ck one, please take your New Age witlessisms, put them in your peace pipe, and smoke them. Sweet "ck be" Jane commands it.

Anyway, I've sprinkled that last paragraph with Suspiria refs and one other sssneaky ref to that sssshity movie sssssssss. Remember that piece of crap? George has already pointed out that Udo Kier really is in Suspiria. I don't blame you for not remembering him, though, because he's only in one brief scene which, slivered like a (definitely not Zombie Flesh Eater-sized) splinter between all the impalements, hangings, eye gougings, death by slinky, death by seeing-eye dog (done better by Lucio Fulci in 7 Doorways to Death), the lesbian dance instructor's psycho tantrum, Helena Markos's way ugly mug ("You want to kill Helena Markos! Hahahahaha"--isn't that just one of the coolest scenes ever, Thomas?), and the skull-pounding music by Goblin (WITCH! WITCH!)...hey, what the hell was I talking about? Ah, forget it.

You've really got me going here, Thomas! Nothing like a really gory horror flick to get my thin Northern blood circulating to my unspeakable Southern regions. None of that wimpy J. Tourneur shit for me, Thomas...shadows and fog and all that crap...leave that fucking shit to Woody Allen. Give me Fulci, Argento, Soavi. Hell, I'll even take, Ruggerio Deadato if it's a Saturday night and I've got a really shitty bottle of wine in the fridge! 

Look at me, still early in the day and I'm thinking about Jess Franco. I've got urine to ponder, sperm to count, gels to run. Ah, the life of a technocrat...so much like an episode of Laverne and Shirley, except no cellar! And, where's my Big Ragoo?

Boo-Boo Kitty (Jane)
  
P.S. I, too, wanted to congratulate Sebastian on his exhaustive and, I think, definitive post on Anonymity. The M&D gloss was great. I wish I thought of it, but I forgot all about Wicks' crime. Maybe it'll shut Doug up for a post or two, maybe even prompt him to take a well-deserved vacation to The Well (hey, remember the well in that great Michele Soavi movie The Sect, you know the one with the rabbit watching TV...) 
    
--

On Wed, 16 Dec 1998 12:11:55   Thomas Eckhardt wrote:
>
>> I was fortunate enough
>> to see AW'sF in that notorious 3-D print you mention when it was
>re-released in
>> the mid-1980's during the short-lived 3-D Little Bang inspired by Comin'
>At Ya.
>> Remember that gem? What a piece of shit! Pure exploitation, no plot...I loved
>> it! 
>
>I am quite familiar with this sentiment but not with the movie that inspired
>it here. Comin' At Ya? Apart from AW'sF I have watched the 3-D prints of one
>rather stupid SF movie from the 60s and an absolutely hilarious German
>soft-sex flick with Ingrid Steeger and Konstantin Wecker (for those of you
>who are familiar with the iconography of German popular culture) from the
>early 70s, entitled, fittingly, "Love in 3-D", which, by the way, is not
>nearly as good a title as the unfortunately untranslatable "Die Stewardessen
>- sie fliegen durch die Luefte, Voegeln gleich" (for those of you who are
>familiar with the lower registers of the German language).
>
>>I think Udo Kier is the coolest thing since Klaus Kinski threatened to kill
>> Werner Herzog and, though it's nice to see him doing car commercials and Lars
>> Von Trier films (the Sadistic Sailor, what a card!) these days, I loved him
>> most in Suspiria, the real link between Death in Venice and The Evil Dead.
>
>You must be talking about Dario Argento's masterpiece. I am afraid Udo Kier
>is not in it. Or is he? Anyway, for me his greatest moments are in Andy
>Warhol's Frankenstein and Dracula (the missing link between Il Gattopardo
>and Bad Taste). Remember the bathtub scenes in Dracula? 
>
>
>
>Thomas (who also has got pale blue eyes, in about seven different versions)
>
>
>
>
>



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