Mortally Wounded Jane Grant Vows to Return from the Dead!

[Ken Angry]

Jane Doh Grant died Mon, 21 Dec 1998 11:53:27 -0800 from genital 
maceration sustained during a showdown with Spencer Thiel, the fabled 
White Cocksman of the ftp archives. She spent three days in Heaven 
studying Advanced Obfuscation with John Hawkes and William Gaddis before 
rising from the dead and discovering that her beta-hcg level was 
elevated. After an eighteen-month pregnancy, Jane gave birth to a fully 
grown man-chile with six distinct personalities. She named him Slammin' 
Steve after his father, the world-famous photo-journalist and gentleman 
scientist occasionally remembered for his work on the Sports Illustrated 
Swimsuit Calender and for his synthesis of the novel fusion gene c-mor 
which, transfected into the Sertoli cells of the testis, simultaneously 
cured male-pattern baldness and prolonged the female orgasm. Jane spent 
her remaining years in Phoenix working at Mel's Diner where her sass and 
ass were as legendary as her chronic drooling yeast infections. She died 
for the second time, but did not rise again, while having her chakras 
aligned by Marianne Williamson at the American Renaissance Alliance's 
Celebrity Headquarters. Autopsy demonstrated acute rupture of the Root 
Chakra with spiritual sepsis.  Jane Doh Grant is buried next to her 
sister Jill, dead from clitoral exsanguination related to an elective 
vaginal rejuvenation procedure, in the Grant family plot at the End of 
the World in Bennington, VT. Her ghost may be seen between the minutes 
0000-0002 M-F for a nominal fee. Brockenphaenomena are available for an 
additional $5. Lap dances $10. Do not mourn for her. Jane's epitaph 
reads:

Even the president of the United States
                    Sometimes must have
                    To stand naked
                    But why do I?

:)~  140.163.128.109  

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