sigh...

[Mark David Tristan Brenchley]

look I've already had this email about 15 times over the past week. Anyone
wishing to send me another can not if he/she doesn't mind.

Mark

On Tue, 28 Nov 2000, Jedrzej Polak wrote:

> > NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
> >
> > To the citizens of the United States of America,
> >
> >
> >
> > In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
> govern yourselves, we hereby
> > give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
> >
> > Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over
> all states,
> > commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy.
> Your new prime
> > minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP  for the 97.85% of you who have until
> now been unaware that
> > there is a  world outside your borders)
> > will appoint a minister for America without  the need for further elections.
> Congress and the Senate
> > will be disbanded.
> >
> > A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you
> noticed.
> >
> > To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules
> are introduced with
> > immediate effect:
> >
> > 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
> > Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at
> just how wrongly
> > you have been pronouncing it. Generally,  you  should raise your vocabulary to
> acceptable levels.
> > Look up  "vocabulary". Using  the same twenty seven words interspersed with
> filler noises such as
> > "like"  and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
> communication.  Look up
> > "interspersed".
> >
> > 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your
> behalf.
> >
> > 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It
> really isn't that hard.
> >
> > 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good
> guys.
> >
> >
> > 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but
> only after fully
> > carrying out task 1. We would  not want you to get confused and give up half
> way through.
> >
> >
> > 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of
> football. What you refer to
> > as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware
> that there is a
> > world outside your  borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American"
> football. You  will
> > no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper  football.
> >
> > Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult
> game. Those of you brave enough
> > will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American
> "football", but  does not involve
> > stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body  armour
> like nancies). We are
> > hoping to get together at least a US rugby  sevens side by 2005.
> >
> > 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they
> give you any
> > maird. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your
> borders should
> > count yourselves lucky. The  Russians have never been the bad guys. "Maird" is
> French for you
> > know what.
> >
> >
> >
> > 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national
> holiday, but only in
> > England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
> >
> >
> >
> >  9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your  own
> good. When we
> > show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
> >
> >
> > 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
> >
> > Thank you for your cooperation. HRH QE2
> 
>