Ah, those devilish lawyers!

[FrodeauxB at aol.com]

For the lawyer in us all.

Subj:    Scientists Discover, Isolate Limited Liability Person
Date:   7/29/01 12:41:57 PM Central Daylight Time
From:   fff at futurefeedforward.com (futurefeedforward)
To: frodeauxb at aol.com



August 18, 2121

Scientists Discover, Isolate Limited Liability Person

BOSTON--A team of international researchers working at M.I.T.'s Laboratory 
for High-Velocity Quantum-Economic Phenomena announced Monday the first 
successful isolation, identification, and tagging of a Limited Liability 
Person, or "LLP"  "We're quite excited to be the first team to isolate an 
active LLP in the field," notes Dr. Hillary Yuan, director of the research 
team,  "And not only have we identified an LLP, but we've also tagged him, 
enabling us to follow his migratory habits and learn much more about what 
life is like for them."

    Limited Liability People, characterized by their immunity to civil and 
criminal liability, have been the subject of an increasing amount of 
scientific scrutiny in recent years.  A joint U.S.-E.U. initiative, formed 
last year to fund inquiry into the nature and existence of LLPs, has called 
the reportedly explosive growth in LLP population "the number one 
scientifically addressable threat to world economic stability."  "LLPs are, 
essentially, invisible to the law," explains U.S. Congressman Ralph Tool 
(G-New York), a longtime supporter of publicly-funded LLP research.  "They 
are unaccountable.  And, if their numbers are growing, that's a real, 
tangible risk to the rule of law and to the democratic process.  We need to 
know who they are and where they come from, and we need to know now."

    The isolation at M.I.T. of an LLP, identified by the team as a Mr. Alfred 
Dumpling of Boca Raton, Florida, marks an important advance in LLP research.  
Dr. Yuan explains:  "There's a difficult observational problem at the heart 
of LLP research.  LLP who do not engage in conduct that exposes them to 
liability look pretty much like you and me.  In fact, they can't be 
distinguished from non-LLPs until they do something that exposes them to 
liability.  But, once they do something that involves potential liability, 
they start to disappear.  That, in fact, is how they avoid liability.  The 
key is to know how they disappear.  Then you can go about catching them."

    Working from a theory that postulates that LLPs result when publicly held 
individuals with super-high wealth densities merge with others of like or 
greater density, the M.I.T. team began to look at unexplained nano and 
quantum economic processes dispersed throughout the wake of such mergers.  
Piecing together these apparently isolated processes, and linking them to 
similarly fragmented processes in the "dark market," the researchers were 
able to track the transactional movements of hundreds, and eventually 
thousands, of LLPs.  "It was like looking at the footprints of the invisible 
man," exclaimed one team member.  "Well, more like looking at the footprints 
left by a rioting mob of invisible men.  We could see where LLPns had been, 
but we couldn't sort out whose footprints were whose."

    Working with the team, Dr. Yuan devised a technique to isolate one of the 
LLPs.  Drawing on classical techniques for observing neutrinos, the team 
constructed a large, negative net-worth charity in the path of one of the LLP 
tracks.  "We simply established a non-profit organization and began floating 
bonds as quickly as possible.  When Mr. Dumpling, the LLP, passed through the 
non-profit, he was caught, momentarily, like light in a super-cooled trap.  
We had the charity's 'boardroom' covered by high-speed, continuous frame 
cameras, and caught him there for a fraction of a second, sitting on one of 
the folding metal chairs.  From there it wasn't difficult to identify him and 
tag him with a seat on the board which would enable us to track him, since we 
remained in control of all the other seats."

    Responding to news of the team's results, Congressman Tool was careful to 
point out that M.I.T.'s special Lab had received a generous grant from the 
U.S.-E.U. initiative.  "These are important results," noted Tool.  "For more 
than a century we've suspected that there existed a shadowy world of 
powerful, wealthy, law-defying individuals.  Now we're getting a glimpse into 
that world.  No longer will they labor in secret and reign with impunity."

________________________________________

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