Counterforce News

[Doug Millison]

Date: Mon, 05 Mar 2001 16:20:57 -0500
Subject: [Mike's Message] I'm Back And I'm Still Michael Moore
From: "Mike's Message" <mikemail at cloud9.net>
March 5, 2001

Dear friends,

I'd like to say that I was kidnapped by the Democratic Party and held in a
"re-education" camp for the past two months, but the truth is I've been busy
providing half-time entertainment for the new XFL football league and, in my
spare time, acting as a spiritual advisor on "Temptation Island."

Last night, a bunch of us from "The Awful Truth" were sitting in the
ballroom of the Plaza Hotel in New York City at the annual Writers Guild
Awards dinner. "The Awful Truth" -- and, specifically, our segment on the
Mexican housekeepers in Minneapolis whom the Holiday Inn tried to deport for
starting a union -- was nominated by the Writers Guild for Best Documentary
Series (for the second year in a row). We ended up losing to the "Frontline"
documentary on Pope John Paul II. After forced to endure our season premiere
being scheduled against the mini-series, "Jesus," and getting whomped in the
ratings, I am now convinced I'm paying for some sort of bad behavior in
Sister Herman's class. But, as they say in Hollywood, it's an honor just to
be nominated, and it is (two of the year's best films won the screenwriting
awards, "You Can Count on Me" and "Traffic").

I was also asked to present the awards for historical non-fiction films and
for radio documentaries. My wife told me that, while I was on the way up to
the stage, the people at a nearby table hissed at me.

"That's the first time I have ever heard someone hiss you just at the
mention of your name," she said. "Usually they wait 'til you've said
something obnoxious or stupid."

Well, it didn't take too long for that to happen. When it came time to hand
out the radio award, I blurted out, "Radio really sucks these days." Every
radio person in the room booed and hissed. I tried to explain to them that
no matter where you turn on the dial, it all sounds like the same repackaged
crap. Maybe, I said, it's because every friggin' station in this country is
owned by just three guys. Realizing that the cheap wine in the place was
flowing like a severed artery, I could see that any comments about how the
Clinton Telecommunications Act of 1996 allowed a few rich companies to
gobble up hundreds of local radio stations were not going to go over well.

So I did what I usually do in situations like this -- I just kept piling on.
I told of how when I was on a publicity tour with my last film, I would be
told there were "eight radio interviews" to do on a particular day in Denver
or Cincinnati -- and then I would end up doing all eight interviews in the
same building. Why? Because one conglomerate owned every radio station in
town! I said, I know we're all a little misty-eyed these days, missing the
old Soviet Union as we do ("Vee only needs vone radio station, comrades!"),
and, I guess, who really needs a free flow of information in an open
society?  Having just a few men controlling all the news and opinions
expressed on the radio dial isn't really that dangerous in a democracy, is
it? Limit the knowledge, I say, and you'll have the kind of compliant
electorate who will vote for who they're told!

And then, as if to prove my point, I was handed the list of nominees for
radio documentary to read to the audience.  The list contained a total of
ONE NAME! Only one nominee! And thus, one winner! Now that's the easy way to
do it! Screw choice!

Few of my writing union brothers and sisters got the joke. I am not hopeful
about a successful strike.

I made a few more comments about the Orwellian name, "Fox NEWS Channel," and
how I can bet three years from now they'll be doing stories on Clinton
accused of stealing money from the Senator Spouses Club bake sale -- instead
of doing their job investigating the impostor napping in the Oval Office.
More hissing.

"I think it's Nader residue," my wife said later. "They hold you
responsible."

Hmm. So that means I'm either the biggest jerk in America (and have much
penance to pay for what I've done), or I -- and Ralph -- are THE MOST
POWERFUL MEN IN THE WORLD!. WE CONTROL WHO IS PRESIDENT! We can deny YOU the
White House if you f*** with us!!  WE DID IT ONCE, WE'LL DO IT AGAIN!!
HAHAHAHAHA!!! (Laugh of the Meglomaniacs)

Yeah, right. Well, maybe the truth is somewhere in the middle of that, with
a tilt toward the the first suggestion.

I want to publicly thank President Clinton for pardoning Howard Mechanic. As
many of you recall, I was doing a sort of pro-bono Hugh Rodham-thing by
trying to influence Clinton in his final days to let Howard out of prison.
He had been on the run for nearly 30 years because -- get this -- he was
accused of throwing a FIRECRACKER (!) at an anti-war demonstration in the
early '70s.  The feds finally, unbelievably, threw him in prison a couple of
years ago for this offense (one he has always denied). So I and others
started an Internet campaign for Howard's release and thousands of you ended
up sending a letter to the President. Two hours before his term was up,
Clinton not only sprung Howard from prison, he wiped his record clean.

I also want to thank President Clinton for all those other pardons -- the
ones he gave for cash. It has helped most of that "Nader residue" go away.
After the election I got all these nasty letters from well-meaning but
deluded Democrats asking how could I EVER say that there was no difference
between the Democrats and the Republicans! Many thanks to Clinton for
reminding all of us that he and the whole stinkin' lot of them down there --
Republicans AND Democrats -- are nothing but a bunch of bought-and-paid-for
lowlifes, available anytime to the highest bidder. (Clinton's pardons,
actually, pale in comparison to Papa Bush's and Reagan's who, between them,
pardoned Pakistani drug dealer Alsam Adam, convicted felons George
Steinbrenner and Armond Hammond, a Cuban terrorist accused of murder, and
all of Bush and Reagan's cronies who sold weapons to the Ayatollah and used
the money to give to drug-running contras in Nicaragua). My nasty letter
writers from the Gorestopo have been strangely silent since Bill offered to
help prove my point.

So, now we have a Thief-in Chief sitting in the White House-- and our work
is cut out for us. Is everybody ready to mend some fences and get busy? I
am.

Yours,

Michael Moore
mmflint at aol.com

PS. If you are in the L.A. area, the Museum of Radio and Television, as part
of their annual William S. Paley Television Festival, is having "an evening
with" yours truly, this Wednesday night (March 7), at the Directors Guild
theatre on Sunset Blvd. They'll be showing a bunch of stuff from "TV Nation"
and "The Awful Truth" and yammerin' questions at me on the stage. You can
phone 800-225-2277 or go to www.tickets.com for more information.