Language & speech

[FrodeauxB at aol.com]

Well, boys and girls, here's an evolutionary development in language for 
which to devoulty pray. Pray tell, could it be nature or nurture?

October 31, 2014

‘Mouth-in-Mouth’ Disease Decimates House, Senate

WASHINGTON DC--The mysterious disorder which has afflicted more than a dozen 
members of the U.S. Senate has recently spread to the House of 
Representatives where 42 new cases were reported during the past two weeks.  
Known as ‘Mouth-in-Mouth,’ the disease interferes with the ability to speak, 
alternately causing "unwanted" speech and preventing victims from speaking at 
all.  "This is killing our effectiveness," notes House Appropriations 
Committee Staff Counsel Judy Ale.  "Governing is a verbal process.  When 
Members can’t speak, the work of governing doesn’t get done."

    Mouth-in-Mouth, formally known as Uvular Alter-Mandibular 
Tourette-Variant Disorder ("UAT"), causes a secondary, toothless "mouth" to 
form in the back of mouth, around the posterior border of the soft palate.  
Through interaction with both involuntary and speech centers of the brain, 
this second mouth causes sometimes explosive and inappropriate speech.  Dr. 
Jules Nobe of Johns Hopkins Medical Center explains: "The UAT ‘mouth,’ 
though not, anatomically, a true mouth, develops neuro-muscular structures of 
surprising complexity, complex enough to, in effect, speak."

    Control of the UAT mouth, however, remains entirely involuntary. Dr. Nobe 
continues:  "The peculiar thing about the unwanted speech associated with 
Mouth-in-Mouth is how sensitive it is to the conscious, ‘sub-conscious,’ and 
‘unconscious’ sentiments of the victim.  Most other forms of unwanted speech 
are context insensitive, but UAT speech appears to articulate thoughts that 
victims intend to keep secret.  And UAT seems particularly sensitive to 
prevarication.  When UAT sufferers try to fib, even just to exaggerate, the 
UAT mouth intervenes and causes them, instead, to speak the ‘truth.’"

    Though little is yet known about the causes of Mouth-in-Mouth, 
researchers speculate that it is caused by a ‘Distributed Emergent Viral 
Entity' ("DEVE"), a class of mutagenic viruses responsible for coordinated 
physiological and behavioral symptoms.  "DEVEs are a perplexing new 
development," explains CDC Epidemiologist Harriet Suit.  "They affect 
complex, higher-order behaviors in such a sophisticated and seemingly guided 
way that we suspect that they possess some sort of collective intelligence.  
Looking at Mouth-in-Mouth, for instance, we keep asking ourselves why it is 
only striking members of Congress.  Is it just that we can’t figure out the 
infecting vector, or is there something else going on?"

    Reacting to the spreading infection, some Members of the House have 
proposed draconian containment measures.  The House Rules Committee is 
currently considering a measure requiring the destruction of all affected 
Members and of all unaffected Members serving on sub-committees with affected 
Members.  The measures call for immediate incineration of Congressional 
carcasses.  "We’ve got to take serious steps to contain Mouth-in-Mouth," 
exclaims Rep. Brian Dolte (R-Nebraska).  "We’ve got to cut out the infection 
before it spreads and topples the whole government."

    At least one afflicted Senator, however, is looking on the bright side:  
"I’ve noticed at least some special benefits," explains ranking Senate 
Republican Orrin Hatch (R-Utah).  "Little ‘o’, that’s what I call my other 
mouth, sings pretty good harmony with my regular mouth, which is great for my 
music career.  You should hear us do Amazing Grace.  He doesn’t always sing 
the right words, but he sounds great."
http://futurefeedforward.com/

TTFN,

frodeauxb