Not Pynchon-related (?): FWD: No Anchovies, Please...

[KXX4493553 at aol.com]

Can't resist - forwarded from a German list for librarians


No Anchovies, Please...
This is the story of a young couple in Portland, Maine...

While waiting for her husband Don to return home from work, 
she reaches for a can of anchovies.
As she spreads the tiny fish across a piece of lettuce,
she notices a small note at the bottom of the can;
written on it is a telephone number.
Curious, she dials, and is told:
"Don't move, lady, we'll be right over!"
Placing the phone back on the hook (click),
she turns to see three smartly dressed men
standing in her kitchen doorway.
Before she realises what is happening to her, 
she is wrapped tightly in long sheets of cellophane, 
transported to an international airport and placed on a waiting jet airplane.

All this being too much for her to comprehend, she passes out. 
Upon awakening, she finds herself in a strange, 
foreign-speaking nation (arblesplek, wisple-istnkrishn.....).
Alone, fearing her escape impossible, 
she seeks help in the arms of a confidential agent...
With a trace of her kiss still warm upon his lips, 
he betrays her to the hands of three scientists who are engaged
in diabolical, avantgarde experiments previously performed 
only on insects and other small, meaningless creatures. 
Using her as their subject, they are delighted with the results: 
for the first time, a human being is transformed into a - psssst- top secret!

Meanwhile, back in Portland, Maine...

Her husband Don, now chainsmoking 
forty packs of cigarettes a day, sits at a lokal bar
and has a few beers with the regulars.
Bored, everyone's attention turns to the television
which just hangs from the wall ("..welcome to - woosh - Bowling For 
Dollars"!).
Suddenly Crazy Al says: "S-S-Say, Don, there sh-shure is 
somethin' farmiliar about that bowling ball!"
To which a terrified Don replies:
"OH MY GOD!!! That bowling ball, it's MY WIFE!!!!!"

And the lesson we learn from the story is:
next time you place YOUR order, don't forget to say:
"No anchovies, please...."

J. Geils Band - LP: "Love Stinks"


Kurt-Werner Pörtner