New Secret Weapon -- the Indestructible Sandwich

[Dave Monroe]

(Cut to interior of car speeding along highway. 
Pither is sitting in the back seat with his bicycle. 
The driver, Mr Gulliver, is a bespectacled young man.
He talks with a professional precision.)
 
Pither:   Yes...my rubber instep caught on the rear
          mud-guard stanchion and...
Gulliver: Really? And what happened to your corned
          beef rolls?
Pither:   They were squashed out of all recog...
          here just a minute. How did you know about
          the corned beef rolls?
Gulliver: I saw them - or what remained of them - on
          the road. I noticed also that the lemon curd
          tart had sustained some superficial damage.
Pither:   The curd had become...
Gulliver: Detached from the pastry base.
Pither (with some surprise): Yes.... that's absolutely
          right!
Gulliver: Otherwise the contents of the sandwich box
          were relatively unharmed, though I detected
          small particles of bitumen in the chocolate
          cup cakes.
Pither:   But they were wrapped in foil!
Gulliver: Not the hard chocolate top, I'm afraid.
Pither:   Oh dear, that's the bit I liked.
Gulliver: The ginger biscuit, the crisps and the
          sausage roll were unharmed.
Pither:   How do you know so much about cycling?
Gulliver: I'm making a special study of accidents
          involving food.
Pither:   Really?
Gulliver: Do you know that in our laboratories we
          have produced a cheese sandwich that can
          withstand an impact of 4,000 lbs per square
          inch?
Pither:   Good heavens!
Gulliver: Amazing, isn't it?  We have also developed
          a tomato which ejects itself when an
          accident is imminent.
Pither:   Even if it's inside am egg and tomato roll?
Gulliver: Anywhere!  Even if it's in your stomach,
          and it senses an accident it will come up
          your throat and out of the window. Do you
          realise what this means?
Pither:   Safer food?
Gulliver: Exactly! No longer will food be damaged,
          crushed or squashed by the ignorance and
          stupidity of the driver!  (Becoming
          slightly messianic) Whole picnics will be
          built to survive the most enormous forces!
          Snacks will be stronger than ever!  An
          ordinary pot of salad cream, treated in our
          laboratories, has been subjected to the
          force of a 9,000 lb steam hammer every day
          for the last 6 years.  And has it broken?
Pither:   Er....
Gulliver: Yes, of course it has!  But there are other
          things that haven't!.... the safety straps
          for sardines for instance.
 
(A tomato leaps up out of the glove compartment and
hovers, then it ejects itself out of the car window)
 
Pither:   That tomato just ejected itself.
Gulliver: Really?
Pither:   Yes.
Gulliver (embracing Pither): It works! It works!
 
(Crash and cut to black.)

http://www.montypython.net/scripts/cycling.php

--- David Morris <fqmorris at hotmail.com> wrote:

http://www.reuters.com/news_article.jhtml?type=sciencenews&StoryID=796880

> LONDON (Reuters) - Picnics and packed school lunches
> may never be the same again, thanks to the latest
> breakthrough by military science -- the non-soggy
> sandwich.

Sorry, my timing's off ...

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