another limerick for Mr T

[Terrance]

Doug, limericks are not really that hard to write but first you need to 
be in the right frame of humor. That's hard for you, I know, but anyone
can do it. 
Sitting around the Irish Rover or Mac's Pub the boys spit out limericks
faster than you can say California, but it takes a bit of practice. If
you hang round irish limerick makers and rappers it helps. Don't lose
faith, Pynchon had a bad ear once too and he got better. a little
practice and you too can pen a perfect limerick in a ny minute. 



pynchonoid wrote:
> 
> Poor Terrance, that clamoring crowd,

OK, this is not bad. you've got the "ing" ring in the first line and
that's the easiest way to get the metric. and the kl kl kl of clamoring
is a good choice here. and the k k k (CCCCrowd) again, that's a an apt
alliteration. And that ahhhhh and ow sound works well too.  But crowd
doesn't work. Crew would be better because a crew works together. I
guess you want to say that Terrance is a common gathering of loud ahhh
and ow. That's good, but, while  you're trying to suggest some sort of
mad crowd and you're also implying a sinister puppet show wherein, it
seems, some of the martinets have been tugging the strings and not the
other way round. Crew works better. And with crowd you   run into rhyme
deprivation in the final line. that "wowed"  in the last line doesn't
work at all. 


> forced to speak every thought right out loud.

 "right out loud" here is awkward. Don't you think? yeah, it is. 

No quite forced, either. I guess you're trying to suggest that Terrence
is compelled by some involuntary drive to speak before he looks and as
JBframe put it, Terrance's stupid stuff poems are not A.E Housman stupid
but doggerel diarrhea. but a clamoring crowd shouldn't be forced to
speak. You forced this and it doesn't fit. 



> He lost all control,
> stuck his head in the bowl,

This doesn't work either. 

you should think about cause and effect here. like the clamoring crowd
or the crew could swell to an uncontrollable size or so load that...blah
blah. 


> and flushing it, his audience wowed.

and flushing it, his audience wowed? 

nope!