VLVL2 (2): Prairie and Zoyd

[Bekah]

Tim asked:

>I would be curious to know how some of the "Moms" on the list
>(Barbara? Elaine? etc.?) interpret the relationship between Zoyd
>  and Prairie from a mother-daughter standpoint.

*****

etc. here,  more frequently known as Bekah,    :)

Funny/peculiar that this should come up tonight. My kids' Dad (and my 
ex-h.) passed away suddenly two nights ago. (He had a massive heart 
attack while standing on a ladder and hit the garage floor with his 
head, resulting in enormous brain injuries. He never came to.) It's 
very sad but appropriate maybe that I should break my lurk mode and 
speak to this. (I'm not kidding, btw. He was 58, and an ex-hippie.)

The kids are 33 (boy - Isaac) and 35 (girl- Noelle) now. They were 
born in 1967 and 1970 in California, the kids of flower children. We 
moved to San Jose when they were 3 and 5. Yup, we had been right out 
there with the spool-tables and acid and peace posters and Golden 
Gate rallies in the late 60's and early 70's.

We moved around a lot due to his career and finally divorced in '79. 
So, like  Prairie, the kids grew up with single parents in the 80's 
and Dad was a hippie by temperament, although by that time he was a 
professional man. In the divorce I got the kids technically but in 
practice it was a very informal joint custody. Eventually, I called 
him my child-raising partner. He was exceptionally good about the 
child-support, vacations, insurance, everything.  He was a rotten 
husband ... or... I was a rotten wife... one. But I never turned him 
in.  (LOL!)

I don't know much about how the kids were when he had them because I 
didn't ask about it. From what they told me it sounded pretty casual. 
When Tim had the kids for Thanksgiving dinner, they had pizza. (That 
sounds pretty Zoyd-ish to me.) When I had them it was formal with 
family (that's *not*   Frenesi -ish, as I recall) The kids called us 
Mom and Dad, not our personal names. (lol!)

They didn't laugh and joke like Zoyd and Prairie. That sounds really 
old for Prairie and not in a mature way. Underneath the joking, Zoyd 
sounds more mature. You can tell his age. She's just rebelling and 
wants her way. My ex h. would probably have reacted much the same as 
Zoyd to the boyfriend.

The kids' Dad was very opinionated. The problem was that he wanted 
our daughter to have political opinions too but she was just truly 
not interested. So they would fight about it. She had this little 
air-head, "Valley Girl" attitude. My daughter was no Prairie Wheeler!

In fact, Prairie seems just like a 1984 hippie. My son was 14 in 1984 
and he was no Prairie either, although a bit closer perhaps. He was 
far more "geek-preppie-Izod, if you know what I mean. (Most of you 
all are probably the age of my kids, you should know!)  It seems like 
Prairie is not rebelling against Zoyd, but Isaiah is doing a 
rebellion.

My kids' rebellion was to go Valley-girl and Preppie. (lol!) And the 
boy and his Dad were frequently at opinionated loggerheads.

But there were times my ex just adored her little Valley Girl stuff. 
He had to go to get her outfits from the dry cleaners for the 
modeling show, long fingerless gloves, the works. It was so funny! He 
loved it!!! I was so surprised! He was the original no designer jeans 
guy, no mutilating your body with earrings. And here he was getting 
the girl all her little finery.

How would Zoyd have reacted to a a Princess Prairie? Would he have 
adored her? Perhaps.  (And what would he have done with a 
granddaughter?.... that's a big sad part out here in 2003.)  :(

Our big rules about clothes were that they had to be clean and modest 
they picked the styles. The big rules about the music was that if we 
didn't like it, it got turned down. They liked Barry Manilow in the 
late 70's, the Beatles, Ebony and Ivory in the late 80's. They put up 
with Ozzie Ozborne et al for their friends but in their rooms there 
were mellow sounds, but not peacenik music. (lol!)

When my kids were at their Dad's  house they shared *all* housework. 
I usually did it at my house. Is anyone doing it at Zoyd's at all? 
Has  Prairie taking it or does she bug him to do it?  A huge bowl of 
guacamole sounds about right, although my daughter would probably 
make a huge bowl of spinach dip. (g)

The thing about the cookie and chips wrappers is about Prairie's 
weight and what Zoyd purchases as groceries, btw. Isaiah has told her 
she has a pound or two extra. Zoyd buys junk. What chance does she 
have?

With Tim the kids went on nature tours and photography trips and 
worked in the organic garden and koi pond. With me we went to the 
beach. With him, they went to *lots* of movies and watched TV; I 
rarely took them to movies but we watched a bit of TV and played 
games. With me there were music and swim lessons. With him it was 
soccer and golf. With me it was do your homework. With him there was 
no homework because of private schools.

I lived in California and he kept moving for awhile, finally settling 
down several states away and worked at the same place since 1984? 
(He was set to retire in a year or so.)

Finally, and I'll hush up, our daughter graduated from college this 
summer. Her Dad came out for the ceremonies and we really were so 
very happy. The kids were both doing so very well, both educated and 
careers in the works, families getting started. It felt like, 
"Mission Accomplished." And now he's gone and I'm my kids' only 
parent even if they are all grown up.

Bekah
(sorry if this was way more than y'all wanted to know. It just came 
out and I'm gonna  send it.)