Pynchon's epideictic

[pynchonoid]

--- s~Z <keithsz at concentric.net> wrote:
> He's the Rodney Dangerfield of the P-List.


Comparing fq to Rodney Dangerfield disrespects Rodney
Dangerfield.

<http://www.rodney.com/home/home.asp>

Jokes for May, 2003
May   1
With my wife there's always something. The other night
I had a fight with the dog. My wife said the dog was
right. And she told me this right in front of the dog.
Now the dog has no respect. My wife throws the ball,
he waits for me to bring it back.
 
May   2
When I was a kid, I was poor. I never got an x-ray. My
old man would hold me up to the light.
 
May   3
My wife's a bad cook. After dinner, I don't brush my
teeth, I count them. I leave dental floss in the
kitchen, the roaches hang themselves.
 
May   4
Before I got married, my wife told me, "Don't talk
about sex until we get married." We got married and
she told me, "Now you can talk about it all you want."
 
May   5
I tell ya, nothin' goes right. I bought a Japanese
car. I turn on the radio. I don't understand a word
they're sayin'.
 
May   6
I tell ya, cleanliness, that's what's important. But
some people are too clean. Like my uncle Louie. He
used to take five showers a day, four baths a day. And
when he died, as a tribute to my uncle's cleanliness,
the entire funeral procession went through a carwash.
 
May   7
I tell ya, my wife is never nice. She won a trip to
Las Vegas for two. She went twice.
 
May   8
I tell ya, nothin goes right. I went into a gay bar.
They asked for proof of sex. I showed them proof. They
said it wasn't enough.
 
May   9
The other day I told my wife, "I lost my wallet, I'm
very depressed." She said, "That makes two of you. You
and the guy who found it."
 
May   10
You don't know who to trust anymore. I got my car
fixed. The guy gave me an estimate for a hundred
dollars. When I got the bill, it was two hundred
dollars. I said to him, "How about the estimate for a
hundred dollars?" He says, "You're right, I forgot,
that makes it three hundred dollars."
 
May   11
My wife, she told me to go to hell. I told her,
"You're too late. I'm already there."
 
May   12
Last week I saw my psychiatrist. I told him, "Doc, I
keep thinking I'm a dog." He told me to get off his
couch.
 
May   13
With my wife, nothing is wasted. When the cuffs wear
out in my shirt, it becomes a short-sleeved shirt.
When the collar goes, it becomes a pajama top. Right
now I've got 44 short-sleeved pajama tops. Sometimes,
when I've got nothin' to do, I sit around the house
and change pajama tops...
 
May   14
When I got married, I found out that the wife's
clothes go on the wooden hangers and the husband's
clothes go on the wire hangers. And when she needs
more hangers, she picks out some of my clothes that
look like they don't deserve to be hung up.
 
May   16
When you get married, you learn of lot of things. I
learned that the husband's closet never comes with the
apartment. He gets six screws and easy instructions. A
child can put it together. I went around the whole
neighborhood looking for a child. I couldn't put it
together.
 
May   17
The girl was ugly. When she walks in the room, mice
jump on chairs. I mean ugly. I took her to a dog show.
She won.
 
May   18
I tell ya, my wife, she's a strict vegetarian. In
fact, when I met her she was grazing on the front
lawn.
 
May   15
I mean we have trouble over nothin' sometimes. Like
the other day she was singing. She was saying, "Hello,
young lovers, whoever you are." I had nothing to do. I
figured I'd sing too. I said, "I've been in love
before." She said, "I'm singing." I said, "I wanna
sing too." She said, "All right, you sing. When you're
finished, then I'll sing." I said, "O.K., I'll sing."
I went, "Hello, young lover...." She said, "Not that
song! That's my song\" Oh, we have a very adult
relationship going.
 
May   19
I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She
donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to
the topless!
 
May   20
I'll tell ya, my wife, she keeps me in line. No matter
how many guys are ahead of me.
 
May   21
See, the trouble with me, is my sex life is on hold,
and I got no one to hold it!
 
May   22
I'm gettin' old, I got no sex life. I get tired just
holding up the magazine.
 
May   23
I'm not a kid anymore, I'm gettin' older. Why, at my
age, if I bend down to tie my shoelaces, I try to
think of other htings to do while I'm down there.
 
May   24
I tell ya, I drink too much. Way too much. When my
doctor drew blood, he ran a tab!
 
May   25
I saw my doctor. He told me to watch my drinking. Now
I drink in front of a mirror.
 
May   26
I don't get no respect. The time my family played
hide-n-seek, they found my mother in Pittsburgh.
 
May   27
What a childhood I had! When I took my first step, my
old man tripped me.
 
May   28
I'll tell ya, I don't get no respect, no respect at
all. When I was a kid, when my parents went shopping,
they always took me with them. That way, they could
park in the handicapped section.
 
May   29
I tell ya, I'm not a sexy guy. I was a centerfold for
Playgirl magazine. The staples covered everything.
 
May   30
I tell ya, my whole life I've been practicing safe
sex. In fact, I'd like to thank all the girls who
turned me down.
 
May   31
I tell ya, my favorite girls are the ones who wear
eyeglasses. When you take 'em home you breathe heavy,
they don't know what the hell you're doing.
 

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