FWD: Monty Pynthon about the Iraq War

[KXX4493553 at aol.com]

> Subject: A letter to the London Observer from Terry Jones (of Monty
Python)
>
> > Letter to the Observer - Sunday January 26, 2003
> >
> > I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's
> > running out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've been really
> > pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street.
> > Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give me
> > queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty
> > for me, but so far I haven't been able to discover what.
> >
> > I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but
he's
> > got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is. As for Mr Patel,
> > don't
> > ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources - that he is, in
> > reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the street telling
> > them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one by one. Some of
my
> > neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the police? But
> > that's
> > simply ridiculous. The police will say that they need evidence of a
crime
> > with which to charge my neighbours. They'll come up with endless red
tape
> > and quibbling about the rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and
> > all the while Mr Johnson will be finalising his plans to do terrible
> > things
> > to me, while Mr Patel will be secretly murdering people.
> >
> > Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic
> > firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until recently
> > that's been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush has made it
> > clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I can wade
in
> >
> > and do whatever I want!
> >
> > And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards Iraq
is
> > the only way to bring about international peace and security. The one
> > certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers targeting the
US
> >
> > or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that have never threatened
us.
> >
> > That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill his wife
> > and children. Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave
> > us
> > in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable way.
> >
> > Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing Iraq is
> > that
> > Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of mass
destruction -
> >
> > even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've just as much
justification
> > for killing Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr
> > Bush has for bombing Iraq.  Mr Bush's long-term aim is to make the world
a
> >
> > safer place
> > by eliminating 'rogue states' and 'terrorism'.
> >
> > It's such a clever long-term aim because how can you ever know when
you've
> >
> > achieved it? How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists?
> > When
> > every single terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist
> > once he's committed an act of terror. What about would-be terrorists?
> > These
> > are the ones you really want to eliminate, since most of
> > the known terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already eliminated
> > themselves.
> >   Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a
> > future
> > terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective until
every
> > Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate Muslims might
> > convert
> > to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe thing to do would be for
Mr
> > Bush to eliminate all Muslims?
> >
> > It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip of
> > the
> > iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I don't like
> > and
> > who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one will be really safe
> > until I've wiped them all out. My wife says I might be going too far but
I
> >
> > tell her I'm simply using the same logic as the President of the United
> > States. That shuts her up.
> >
> > Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough
reason
> >
> > for the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give the whole
> > street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open and hand over
all
> >
> > aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and
> > interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't hand them over
> > nicely
> > and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the entire street to kingdom
come.
> > It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in contrast
> > to
> > what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one street.

kwp