The Central Pro/Pre/Per Scriptivisor: and Advertising practices

[Elainemmbell at aol.com]

Speaking of standards, I have had a particularly miserable week due to car 
failures and ended up being tricked by a grammatical nicety that I had 
entirely missed:

The cruel heat of last summer (when the funding for my job ran out) plus the 
cruel cold of this winter finally brought my good little car to near death.  
Repairs already paid for mounting toward $1000 were capped by the latest trip 
to the probably felonious mechanics where I was told it needed another 
$1400-$2000 worth of work to gain --maybe!-- 8 or 10 more driving months.  
(if I drove very slowly and not very far)

Frustrated, broke, losing assignments for pay because I couldn't GET 
anywhere, I finally submitted to the seduction of a local Subaru dealer who 
runs a radio ad about a dozen times every morning that tells me if I have a 
job and $200 I can drive away in a new Kia Reo today!  

Now I don't particularly WANT to drive away in a new Kia Reo but it's the 
best deal I've heard about and I'm not only spending money but steadily 
losing income by trying to keep my poor Chevy operable.  So I follow up by 
writing to the rep listed on their website and ask her what's the best 
vehicle I can get using this bargain deal.

She responds that it's a no air condition, no electrical anything 5-speed 
manual (I think it has windows) and that, furthermore, I can't assume I can 
get anything until their "banking partner" looks over my application for 
financing.

Hmm.  Now wait a minute there, Lady Subaru--doesn't your ad SAY I can get the 
loan with a proof-of-job paystub and 200 dollar bills?  She didn't write 
back.

Turns out that I, though having listened to the ad about a thousand times, 
hadn't really heard it.  Here's the actual script (spoken in a BIG booming 
Bill Clintonesque voice very very fast):

"Do you have a job?  Do you have two hundred dollars?  If so you could be 
driving away in a new Kia Reo today?  So DO you have a job?  DO you have two 
hundred dollars?  Call or visit Suburban Kia today!"

So obviously the dealer is covered by his careful selection of the 
subjunctive voice...except that the "could" is so buried by the announcer's 
vicious, promising, evangelistic enthusiasm it's easier to not hear it.  

Elaine M.M. Bell, Writer
(860) 523-9225
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