The Central Pro/Pre/Per Scriptivisor: and Advertising practices

[vze422fs at verizon.net]

on 3/11/03 12:25 PM, Elainemmbell at aol.com at Elainemmbell at aol.com wrote:

Speaking of standards, I have had a particularly miserable week due to car
failures and ended up being tricked by a grammatical nicety that I had
entirely missed:

The cruel heat of last summer (when the funding for my job ran out) plus the
cruel cold of this winter finally brought my good little car to near death.
Repairs already paid for mounting toward $1000 were capped by the latest
trip to the probably felonious mechanics where I was told it needed another
$1400-$2000 worth of work to gain --maybe!-- 8 or 10 more driving months.
(if I drove very slowly and not very far)

Frustrated, broke, losing assignments for pay because I couldn't GET
anywhere, I finally submitted to the seduction of a local Subaru dealer who
runs a radio ad about a dozen times every morning that tells me if I have a
job and $200 I can drive away in a new Kia Reo today!

Now I don't particularly WANT to drive away in a new Kia Reo but it's the
best deal I've heard about and I'm not only spending money but steadily
losing income by trying to keep my poor Chevy operable.  So I follow up by
writing to the rep listed on their website and ask her what's the best
vehicle I can get using this bargain deal.

She responds that it's a no air condition, no electrical anything 5-speed
manual (I think it has windows) and that, furthermore, I can't assume I can
get anything until their "banking partner" looks over my application for
financing.

Hmm.  Now wait a minute there, Lady Subaru--doesn't your ad SAY I can get
the loan with a proof-of-job paystub and 200 dollar bills?  She didn't write
back.

Turns out that I, though having listened to the ad about a thousand times,
hadn't really heard it.  Here's the actual script (spoken in a BIG booming
Bill Clintonesque voice very very fast):

"Do you have a job?  Do you have two hundred dollars?  If so you could be
driving away in a new Kia Reo today?  So DO you have a job?  DO you have two
hundred dollars?  Call or visit Suburban Kia today!"

So obviously the dealer is covered by his careful selection of the
subjunctive voice...except that the "could" is so buried by the announcer's
vicious, promising, evangelistic enthusiasm it's easier to not hear it.

Elaine M.M. Bell, Writer
(860) 523-9225 

Buy my book at my seminar, and I'll explain how you could make millions of
dollars per year as a designated hitter laying baseball in the American
league.

You don't have to play defense, all you have to do is hit!

It's amazing!

Get this!

You can fail more then seven out of ten at-bats (that's your turn) and still

MAKE A MILLION DOLLARS PER YEAR!!!!

Incredible you say?

Many Americans, Latin Americans, and Asians are doing it RIGHT NOW!

It's even better......

For every at bat, you get three tries!

If the pitcher doesn't put the ball in a tiny little area before you miss
three times, it doesn't count and you get to advance increasing your
statistics resulting in more money for you!

Really!

So sign up today. I'll be in your town soon.

Results may vary.

The ball comes in at ninety-five miles per hour and it curves. Baseballs may
be dense. Serious injury could result. We are not responsible. Offer void
where prohibited by law - any law. Please sign here. Cash or verifiable
major credit card only. Or speak to our finance manager for easy terms.

The preceding was a paid commercial announcement. We at Verizon
Telecommunications are not responsible for its content. 
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