BushCo Reams Nation Good

[pynchonoid]

BushCo Reams Nation Good 
No WMDs after all, no excuse for war, too late for
anyone to care anymore. Ha-ha, suckers 

By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist 	Wednesday, May 14,
2003 

Ha-ha-ha oh man did we ever get smacked on that one.
Conned big time. Punk'd like dogs. Just gotta shake
your head, laugh it off. They reamed us but good,
baby! Damn. 

Turns out it really was all a big joke after all. The
war, that is. All a big fat nasty murderous
oil-licking lie, a sneaky little power-mad game with
you as the sucker and the world as the pawn and BushCo
as the slithery war thug, the dungeon master, the
prison daddy. You really have to laugh. Because it's
just so wonderfully ridiculous. In a rather
disgusting, soul-draining sort of way. 

See, there are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.
No WMDs at all. Isn't that great? What's more: There
never were. Ha-ha-ha. Gotcha! 

No warehouses teeming with nuclear warheads, no
underground bunkers packed with vats of boiling
biotoxins, no drums of crazy-ass chemical agents that
will melt your skin and turn us all into drooling
flesh-eating zombies -- unless, of course, you count
the sneering vat of conservative biotoxin that is,
say, Fox News, in which case, hell yeah baby, we
gotcher WMDs right here beeyatch. 

Go figure. Those lowly U.N. inspectors were right
after all. Who knew? It was all a ruse. We've been
sucker-punched and ideologically molested and
patriotically sodomized and hey, what the hell, who
cares anyway, we "liberated" an oppressed people most
Americans secretly loathe and fear and don't
understand in the slightest, even though that was
never the point, or the justification, or the goal. Go
team. 

But wait, is liberation of a brutalized and tormented
people now the reason? The justification for our
thuggery? That is so cool! So that means we're going
to blow the living crap out of Sri Lanka and Sudan and
Tibet and North Korea and about 47 others, right?
Right? Maybe Saudi Arabia, too, second only to the
Taliban itself in its abuse of women? Cool! As if. 

Ah, but screw the liberal whiny peacenik U.N.
inspectors, you know? Let's ask the U.S. search teams
themselves, ShrubCo's own squadrons of biologists,
chemists, arms-treaty enforcers, nuclear operators,
computer and document experts and Special Forces
troops who've been in Iraq for weeks now, searching
frantically. 

Surely they've found something, right? Surely we can
now prove that Saddam was fully intending to fillet
our babies and annihilate Florida and poke the eyes
out of really cute kittens on national TV for sadistic
pleasure, right? Gimme a hell yeah! 

Whoops. Bad news. As The Washington Post reports, the
75th Exploitation Task Force, the very serious-minded
group heading up all U.S. inspections in Iraq, the
group absolutely certain it would immediately find
steaming neon-lit stockpiles of WMDs piled right next
to Saddam's personal stash of gay porn and Britney
Spears posters and opium pipes, is coming home with
its tail between its legs. Found nothing. Nada. 

Psychopatriots are a little nonplussed. Bush is merely
"embarrassed." Peace advocates are sighing and
drinking heavily. We have done this ghastly horrible
inane hate-filled entirely unprovoked thing in the
name of power and petroleum and military contracts and
strategic empire building, our nation is numb and more
bitterly divisive than ever and our leaders are not
the slightest bit ashamed. 

But of course you're not the slightest bit shocked.
You knew it all along. The WMD line was just a ploy
that, tragically, much of the nation bought into like
a sucker pyramid scheme after being pounded into
submission with hammers of fear and Ashcroftian
threats and bogus Orange Alerts and having their
tweezers confiscated at the airport. 

And of course the capacity to be outraged and appalled
has been entirely drained out of you, out of this
nation, replaced by raging ennui and sad resentment
and the new fall season on NBC. This is what they're
counting on. Your short attention span. WMDs? That's
so, like, last February. Hey look, the swimsuit model
won "Survivor"! 

Because now it's all done. Like a bad trip to the
dentist where your routine cleaning turned out to be a
bloody excruciating root canal and 50 hours of
high-pitched drilling and $100 billion in god-awful
cosmetic surgery, now the bandages come off. Smile,
sucker. We're at peace once again. Sort of. But not
really. Don't you feel better now? No? Too bad. No one
cares what you think. 

It's all over but the shouting. And the screaming. And
the endless years of U.S. occupation in the Middle
East, the quiet building of U.S. military bases in
Iraq so we can keep those uppity bitches Syria and
Egypt and Lebanon in line, forge ahead with the
long-standing plan to strong-arm those damn Islamic
nuts into brutal compliance with Bushco's bleak
blueprint for World Inc. What, too bitter? Hardly. 

Should we care that Osama, the actual perp of 9/11, is
still running around free? That terrorism hasn't been
quelled in the slightest? That the Mideast is more of
a U.S.-hating powder keg than ever, thanks to BushCo?
That the economy is in the worst shape it's been in
decades? 

Should we care that we just massacred tens of
thousands of Iraqi (and Afghan) civilians and soldiers
and suffered a little more than 100 U.S. casualties
and have absolutely nothing to show for it except
bogus force-fed pride and this weird, sickening sense
that we just executed something irreparable and
ungodly and karmically poisonous? 

Nah. Just laugh it off. Have a glass of wine, make
love, go play Frisbee with the dog. Breathe deep and
focus on what's truly important and try to assimilate
this latest atrocity into your backstabbed worldview,
add it to the list of this lifetime's spiritual
humiliations, as you wait for the next barrage, the
imminent announcement that we're about to do it all
again. 

Steel yourself. Protect your soul. Because man, they
reamed us good. Slammed this nation like a bad joke.
Gotcha! Ha-ha-ha. 

<http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/gate/archive/2003/05/14/notes051403.DTL>



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