NPPF--commentary--678--into French

[Paul Mackin]

Sybil translates Donne and Marvell


"Death be not proud, though some have called thee" 

DEATH be not proud, though some have called thee  
Mighty and dreadfull, for, thou art not so,  
For, those, whom thou think'st, thou dost overthrow,  
Die not, poore death, nor yet canst thou kill me.  
>From rest and sleepe, which but thy pictures bee,          5 
Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow,  
And soonest our best men with thee doe goe,  
Rest of their bones, and soules deliverie.  
Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and desperate men,  
And dost with poyson, warre, and sicknesse dwell,   10 
And poppie, or charmes can make us sleepe as well,  
And better then thy stroake; why swell'st thou then;  
One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally,  
And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die.  

As K explains while later discussing the Marvell poem Sybil correctly
renders the English iambic pentameter of the Donne sonnet with the
Alexandrines (hexameter) of French poetry.  

K as usual is nasty toward Sybil.What's the visual rule and why does the
disent-prise rhyme of lines 1 and 4 violate it? We aren't told what her
line 4 is. Or line 3 for that matter. Does the third person plural
inflection on disent, which is seen but not heard, present some kind of
problem? Someone knowledgeable in French poesy please explain.. 

Next, the Marvell. 
My The Complete Poems of Andrew Marvell gives the title of this poem as
"The Nymph complaining for the death of her Faun" rather than the way K
renders it. K's version at least makes it clear that it's a pet baby
deer rather than a mythological man-goat that the wanton troopers kill. 

The poem starts of as follows.. . 

The wanton Troopers riding by 
Have shot my Faun and it will dye. 
Ungentle men! They cannot thrive 
To kill thee. Thou neer didst alive 
Them any harm: alas not cou'd 
Thy death yet do them any good. 


K's preference for odd (l'impair) nine syllable lines to translate
Marvell's eight syllable lines is also over my head. Can someone else
take over here?