GRGR 1.1 - mutti

[Glenn Scheper]

Michael Lee Bailey said:
> > When my mother was near death...
> Please accept my deepest condolences.

It's not like I'm going around seeking mustard seeds.

http://buddhism.about.com/cs/art/g/MustardSeed.htm
Definition: The mustard seed signifies right understanding,
the first factor of the noble eightfold path.
Its significance relates to the Buddha's response to a woman
who came to him distraught at the loss of her
child. He instructed her to collect a mustard seed
(a common household ingredient at the time) from every
home that had never had a bereavement. She returned
empty-handed. In this way, the Buddha eased her pain,
showing her that she was not alone in her sorrow and
that death is an inescapable part of life. 

In fact, it marks the time of my transision to wellness.

Curiously, my father layed out her naked dead body on the
living room floor all open to my purview when I came into
the room, while we awaited the paramedics to take her away.

I often ponder the significance of his action, given as he
was to making everying of didactic import for my benefit.

But of the relationship, mother, child, I am reminded
how the Dept. of Childrens' Services described a crack
-ho mother and her child: "just a biological accident".

But do I want her? I had a gorgeous picture of my mother
when she was young. And I want all beautiful young women.

Now she is just a puzzle piece in reckoning of all things.
I tore up her only pretty picture, 'cuz it winked at me.
Wouldn't want to worship the beast and its image, which
was given life, and caused to be able to move, would I?

I think I have another example of her type, in recent
daily events. Two women passed by, smoking, while we
were out smoking. As they passed away, I felt intense
desire for the younger, and wanted to run over to her,
and lick her (there!). Taking up this moment in later
meditation, I was told to go outside and lay down (in
the parking lot) which I did, and to "learn about her".

Oh, the reason for my fervor, is that I heard from her,
"It is in the bowl" as they were passing away. And "it"
to me maps on some aspect: erect penis, coming, coitus.
And I am zealous to understand "bowl," a word used by
some bibles instead of "vial" appearing in Revelation.

But the meditation yielded no coital memories, only
how I suckled sweetness from her breasts, which were
lightened. And the final word about that effort was:
"Wait for it. It will come." and I am still waiting...

Yours truly,
Glenn Scheper
http://home.earthlink.net/~glenn_scheper/
glenn_scheper + at + earthlink.net
Copyleft(!) Forward freely.