Stalin's Planet of the Apes

[snappydresser]

JOSEF STALIN - SCI-FI VISIONARY (AND A MATTER OR TIME)

According to recently discovered documents in Moscow, genocidal dictator 
Josef Stalin ordered top Soviet veterinary scientists to breed "a new 
invincible human being" in the mid 1920's. Specifically, Uncle Joe asked 
biologist Ilya Ivanov to create "a living war machine, insensitive to pain, 
resistant and indifferent about the quality of food they eat" by genetically 
crossing human beings with gorillas. A special facility was even created in 
the Soviet state of Georgia -- Stalin's homeland -- where the new 
warrior/labor class would be bred, reared and trained.

Considering the fate suffered by those unlucky enough to get on Stalin's bad 
side, yer old pal Jerky thinks it's safe to assume that there was a whole 
lotta hot monkey lovin' going down in the CCCP for a while, before the 
project was scrapped due to lack of success and/or a shortage of monkey 
jizz.

Although it's hard not to admire Stalin's visionary bravado, some aspects of 
his plan seem a bit short-sighted in hindsight. Cross-breeding men with 
gorillas would be fine for the Army, but what about the other branches of 
the military? After all, once you cross the threshold of interspecies 
taboo -- even at the conceptual level -- the potentials are limitless. You 
could cross men with sharks -- or, if mammals are easier, killer whales --  
for a terrifying, fully aquatic Navy. Or how about crossing men with horses 
to field a virtually unstoppable cavalry? Marines could be created using a 
human/Rottweiler/wolverine mix.

Breeding a new genetic abomination for the Air Force would be substantially 
more difficult, at least until we figure out a way to get an F/A-22 
pregnant.

You see where I'm going with this. Once you adopt the stance of the 
Nietzschean Ubermensch by banishing from your mind the spiteful, artificial 
constructs of "Good" and "Evil", revulsion (weak) makes way to fascination 
(strong), which feeds the inspiration (will to power) that will shape 
evolution (New World Order). If you're the right kind of person, it's enough 
to make your nipples hard!

Sadly, with the Cold War now a fading memory, the odds of us ever witnessing 
anything as undeniably kick-ass as a rampaging platoon of murderous Soviet 
super-monkeys are nigh infinitesimal.

But are they? Consider the Pentagon's ongoing, black-budgeted Extended 
Performance War Fighter program. This incredibly ambitious, 
multi-disciplinary project is being directed by the Pentagon think tank 
called DARPA, a.k.a. the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency. The 
battlefield technologies envisioned by DARPA's private sector subcontractors 
make our current efforts at boosting soldier productivity -- consisting 
mostly of shoving cocaine-grade stimulants down their throats -- seem 
quaint, pathetic and embarrassingly primitive.

Just think! As you sit reading this, hundreds of the biggest brains money 
could buy are burning through billions of your tax dollars, conducting 
cutting-edge research into pharmaceutical, genetic and cybernetic advances 
that will revolutionize the way wars are fought. Just like Ivanov before 
them, the men and women involved in these projects know exactly what's 
expected of them. They know, because their orders have been unambiguous and 
plainly stated: Create the Soldier of Tomorrow, by any means necessary.

On the surface, the Soldier of Tomorrow will appear quite normal. But under 
a microscope, he will be barely recognizable as human. A vast and varied 
array of exotic elixirs to "manage environmental and mentally induced stress 
and to enhance the strength and aerobic endurance" will course through his 
genetically fortified veins, feeding nano-enhanced muscles and 
super-efficient organs. He will not sleep. He will not dream. He will not 
know fear. His reflexes will be boosted to hyper-impulse speeds thanks to 
the microchips implanted in his body, which will seamlessly interface with 
his second skin of flexible, bulletproof "smart" armor. His digestive system 
will be able to extract nutrition from materials that would cause the 
unmodified an agonizing death.

In short, the Soldier of Tomorrow will conform to the parameters of the 
"iron bodied and iron willed personnel" envisioned by the U.S. Special 
Operations Command, who seek nothing less than "operational dominance across 
the whole range of potential U.S. military employments." Not quite the 
species-bending abominations dreamed of by the borderline-zoophiliac "furry" 
subculture, but what can you do? Baby steps, people. baby steps!

And so we see that Stalin's vision is not dead but merely dormant; an Ideal 
Form that is slowly beginning to materialize in our base world of flesh. So 
keep your chin up, all you Apocalypse-hungry voyeurs and morally crippled 
True Believers! If there's any way on God's Green Earth to create 
remote-control battalions of unstoppable killing machines -- even if it 
involves kidnapping your sister and subjecting her non-stop gorilla 
gang-bangs -- the fine folks at DARPA are just the ones to git 'er done.

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "David Morris" <fqmorris at gmail.com>
To: "Ya Sam" <takoitov at hotmail.com>
Cc: <pynchon-l at waste.org>
Sent: Tuesday, November 14, 2006 3:47 PM
Subject: Re: Stalin's Planet of the Apes


> It's only a matter of time...
>
> On 11/14/06, Ya Sam <takoitov at hotmail.com> wrote:
>>
>> Stalin's half-man, half-ape super-warriors
>
>
> -- 
> No virus found in this incoming message.
> Checked by AVG Free Edition.
> Version: 7.1.409 / Virus Database: 268.14.5/533 - Release Date: 11/13/2006
>
>