How to Be a Kool Host

[David Morris]

Me Terrnce's
RE: How to Be a Kool Host [Original Edited]
On 11/28/06, terrance terrance <terrorence at hotmail.com> wrote:
>
[Really Bad Stuff:]
> Never appeal indignantly to your other writings as proof that you are capable of better, clearer, um...things.
>
[Ugh:]
> Never point to the strong moral purpose of a particular passage.
>
> Never mention the arithmetical principles incautiously inculcated in the minds of mathematically challenged readers.
>
[Doublley Bad (Unless Well Done):]
> Never refer to the noble teachings of Saint Thomas of Pynchon.
>
[Totally Verbotten (but Rilly Cool:]
> Never follow the prosaic course of simply explaining how or why anything in the tale happened.
>
[And Feel Free to Riff On:]
> Remember, a host is a guest of the hostess of the very most most Most-Esques, who are hosting, this toasted cheese, if you please, on their very own server (located in a basement room under a small house on Duck Key Fla., USA)
>
[Esque-eeks!]
>
> THEY are almost morbidly sensitive about their Bands, their unlawfully wedded Ezekiel quoting partners, the Widths of the Wits and the length of their Bends.
>
[ Oooo... I'm all a twitter]
>
[Minus Return Spaces Below (let it flow):]
> THEY used to have their diskscripts unzipped once or twice a week to be reformatted.    But THEY got phat and more than once it happened that when the time came for unzipping it, it was unzip it tee do dad a dad dum de dum dum.   When  replacing it, or trying to, it so happened that no one on board this fabulous orgy could remember which end of the drive it belonged to.   So, everything you post here could end up in a book authored by a guy who shared his weed and his old lady with the author under discussion when they were in an Irish  bar in Mexico City.  Also, it is never of the slightest use to appeal to the THEM about anything—for THEY only refer to the Keep it cool code, and read out in pathetic tones, Stencilized Instructions which THEY have never themselves been able to understand.
>
> I'm a host the P-list
> I'm a cookin up grill for their G-rist
> I'm a milling up my mist for their B-list
> I'm killing myself for the Wee wee wee ist
> Wee little
> Wee little
> We list.
>
> All of us is Boyz.
>
> We Reel Kool
> We don't Fool
> We got Tool
> We Cut Jewel
> We Junk Mule
> We Ball Loon.
> We Fly Soon.