The Gift of the Magi Indian Giver

[Dave Monroe]

Steve Martin, "The Gift of the Magi Indian Giver," Cruel Shoes (1979)

Carolyn wanted so much to give Roger something nice for Christmas, but
they didn't have much money, and they had to spend every last cent on
candy for the baby. She walked down the icy streets and peered into
shop windows.

"Roger is so proud of his shinbones. If only I could find some way to
get money to buy shinbone polish."

Just then, a sign caught her eye. "Cuticles bought and sold." Many
people had told Carolyn of her beautiful cuticles, and Roger was
especially proud of them, but she thought, "This is the way I could
buy Roger the shinbone polish!" And she rushed into the store.

Later at home, she waited anxiously as Roger came up the steps of
their flat. He opened the door and wobbled over to the fireplace,
suspiciously holding one arm behind his back.

"Merry Christmas!" they both said, almost simultaneously.

Roger spoke. "Hey, Nutsy, I got you a little something for Christmas."

"Me too," said Carolyn, and they exchanged packages.

Carolyn hurriedly opened her package staring in disbelief. "Cuticle
Frames?! But Roger, I sold my cuticles so I could afford to buy you
some shinbone polish!"

"Shinbone polish!" said Roger, "I sold my shinbones to buy you the
cuticle frames!" Roger wobbled over to her.

"Well, I'll be hog-tied," said Carolyn.

"You will? Oh, boy!" said Roger.

And it turned out to be a great Christmas after all.

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