Top 10 Reasons Why AtD Sucks

[robinlandseadel at comcast.net]

     10.  The title.

In the Fonz's honor, let's all retitle this baggy monster "Contre-Jour".
 
      9.  Multiple boring plotlines.

Having to do with boring subjects like Osteopathy and Quantum physics, as well.
Rather akin to GR in that regard.

      8.  Lame coincidences.

That serve only to tie together all the other lame coincidences found in all his 
other books.
 
       7.  Yet more talking dogs.

Although the representatives of the canine world in Against the Day are 
literate, they still bark, mostly. You must be confusing Pugnax with Michiko 
Kakutani, who, I have heard, does speak in very clear English [remarkably 
enough].
 
       6.  Absolutely no depth to characters.

Note, by way of example, the throughly two dimensional and predictable 
"Al Mar-Faud" on page 757.
 
       5.  Awful sex scenes.

And very nearly prize winning, in that regard. Of course, if truly awful sex 
scenes are what you seek, may I recommend Gravity's Rainbow? It has quite 
the worst I can recall.
 
       4.  Because Michiko K. says it sucks.

In a tone remarkably free of canine phonemes, though full of true canine spirit.
 
       3.  Entire Yashmeen-Reef-Cyprian menage-a-trois.

Again, an aversion to Mayonnaise might be the crucial factor here, seeing as Da 
Fonz finds the sex scenes in GR preferable in every way. There's quite a bit
more S/M in GR, more actual coitus in AtD. Not there's anything wrong with that. 
 
       2.  Purple prose.

I believe the descriptor you're grasping at is "Heliotrope". Maybe Mauve. GR's 
more of an Indigo, something a tad more crepuscular.
 
       1.  The Chums of Chance.

Clearly, having the framing device handed over to mere children guarantees 
awful results. Witness "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz", "ET", "The Goonies", 
"To KIll a Mockingbird", et al, miserable failures one and all.