FW: Groaners
Henry
scuffling at gmail.com
Tue Sep 18 10:35:40 CDT 2007
Good info from Paul Di Filippo:
From: Paul Di Filippo [mailto:pgdf at earthlink.net]
Sent: Tuesday, September 18, 2007 10:34 AM
To: Henry
In science fiction, you have the tradition of Feghoots:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feghoot
One of mine terminated in "The myth of the free mail ore chasm."
On Sep 17, 2007, at 4:02 PM, Henry wrote:
> Is there a word for multi-word puns? Does anyone know of a list of
> Pynchon
> groaners? I guess my fave TRP groaner is the GR "For DeMille, young
> fur-henchmen can't be rowing."
>
> Not TRP, but:
>
> 1) King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years
> of war
> with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the
> Euphrates
> , the most valuable diamond in the ancient world.
> Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.
>
> Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."
>
> "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't
> you know
> who I am? I am the king!"
>
> Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference
> who you
> are."
>
> (2) Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were
> avid
> bowlers. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately
> destroyed
> in a fire, so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
>
> (3) A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted "Doctor!
> I think
> I'm shrinking!!"
> The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have
> to be a
> little patient."
>
> (4) A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered
> dolphins
> that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of
> seagulls. One
> day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap
> some more.
> On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to
> wake
> them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested
> and
> charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal
> porpoises.
>
>
> (5) Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts
> wanted to
> produce other products and, since they already made the cases for
> watches,
> they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so bad
> that
> people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California .
> This, of
> course, is the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"
>
> (6) A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the
> toilets
> and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as saying,
> "We have
> absolutely nothing to go on."
>
> (7) An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the
> medicine man.
> After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin
> strip of
> elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off,
> chew, and
> swallow one inch of the leather every day.
>
> After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was
> feeling.
> The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady
> lingers
> on."
>
> (8) A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found
> his name
> missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining
> to the
> local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have
> taken
> Leif off my census."
>
> (9) There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one
> slept on
> an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three
> became
> pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy.
> The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This
> goes to
> prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of
> the squaws
> of the other two hides.
>
> (10) A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk
> remedies
> with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the
> leaves of a
> particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation.
>
> When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him
> in the
> eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs
> enemas.
>
> Henry Mu
> http://www.urdomain.us/kcuf.htm
>
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