TMoP: Chap 3-4 belatedly

[Mark Kohut]

Rereading TMoP, knotting into progressively (I hope) and learning from 
the insightful postings, this forms: 

P. 19 D. "Firmness has been ebbing out of him [D.]" He (sorta) becomes his son, putting on the white suit, going back into the 'egg, smooth and cool and grey"---"perhaps it is the soul". 

A child we love is part of us, not just thru the inherited genes. But thru 
a kind of ego-porous identification, say some psychologists. A bit later
D. feels a "demon" taking him over---not an accidental word, given the sources, then "what he calls a demon may be nothing but his own soul flailing its wings."...the death of his son, a human, existential 'evil'
has entered him as a demon?. Death inside = demon? (Soon D. will say that 
the notions that Nechaev promulgates are "not ideas, but anti-ideas", a "spirit' that inhabits him/them. )

P. 20---Per Bekah's insights into Coetzee's son's death, D. here DOES NOT WANT PAVEL TO KNOW he was dying during the fall. Sublime subtlety here, imho. A suicide would presumably know, since it was willed. But if the fall was accidental, some "shock" and self-preservation instincts might shield one from knowing--until it was too late to "know". How often we, without such personal conflicted anguish, say that we hoped someone died peacefully, glad they were sleeping, out of pain and misery? 

Extrapolating to the general, one might say that D. here thinks the awareness of death is miserably painful. Links with thinkers, those labeled 'existentialists' (among others; including many theologians) who stress that. ["That' being humans are beings/animals who KNOW they will die]. On page 16, D. says he has "a kind of nausea". A possible allusion to Sartre's "Nausea", a novel about such awareness?  

D. "is in a rage against everyone who is alive when his child is dead....in
a rage against this girl"....The death inside him fills him with anti-Life?
The death inside him fills him with death wishes? 

Nechaev's positions = ingested Death? Nihilism = Death wish?