NP: Me, bragging again.
kelber at mindspring.com
kelber at mindspring.com
Thu Oct 23 11:40:10 CDT 2008
Congratulations!
Laura
-----Original Message-----
>From: Glenn Scheper <glenn_scheper at earthlink.net>
>Sent: Oct 23, 2008 9:22 AM
>To: P-List <pynchon-l at waste.org>
>Subject: NP: Me, bragging again.
>
>I did my icebreaker prepared talk at Toastmasters.
>I got the prize ribbon, beating a H.S. principle.
>
>Below is my text, with differing indents to help
>me see points, but I ended up talking w/o notes.
>
>I even wrote a C program that counts characters,
>to proportion a timeline for practice recitals:
>
>Due to memory lapses, I only reached my 4:25 point
>after the 6-minute red card was shown, and stopped
>at 6:16. Lucky that line sounded like an end point.
>
>I owe it all to my rants and raves on the P list!
>
> 0:00
> 0:00 Thank you, Mr. Toastmaster,
> 0:01 and fellow Toastmasters,
> 0:03 and distinguished guests.
> 0:04
> 0:05
> 0:05 I was born a poor black child.
> 0:06
> 0:07 I love the cognitive dissonance of saying that!
> 0:09
> 0:09
> 0:10 Actually, my upbringing was orderly,
> 0:11
> 0:12 like,
> 0:12 "Father knows best",
> 0:14 or,
> 0:14 "Leave it to Beaver".
> 0:15
> 0:15
> 0:16 My father only ever stressed scholarship.
> 0:18
> 0:18 But scholarship as its own end,
> 0:20 not a means to anything.
> 0:21
> 0:21 A lawyer,
> 0:22 he promised me ten cents for every word
> 0:24 I learned out of the dictionary.
> 0:26
> 0:26
> 0:26 With no plan,
> 0:27 and left to my own,
> 0:28
> 0:28 I did not advance in the task,
> 0:30 but I kept memorizing
> 0:31 the first few words:
> 0:32
> 0:33 the indefinite article A,
> 0:34 aardvark,
> 0:35 anteater.
> 0:36
> 0:36 I never saw a dime.
> 0:37 But the dictionary did become my favorite reading.
> 0:40
> 0:40
> 0:40 I excelled in math and science.
> 0:42
> 0:42 In the fifties,
> 0:43 the world appeared to be a technocracy.
> 0:45
> 0:45 I wanted to grow up to be a scientist,
> 0:47 working in a government institution.
> 0:49
> 0:49
> 0:50
> 0:50 I was what's called a weak-atheist,
> 0:52 seeing all religion as only fable.
> 0:54
> 0:54 I would have become a secular humanist,
> 0:56 if I had even known such term,
> 0:57
> 0:58 for alas,
> 0:58 I eschewed all fiction,
> 1:00 and with it,
> 1:00 the humanities.
> 1:01
> 1:02
> 1:02
> 1:02 But life took a different course.
> 1:04
> 1:04
> 1:05
> 1:05 Although a sophomore at UCLA,
> 1:06 I was still an innocent.
> 1:08
> 1:08 I joined the Army to leave home,
> 1:10 and discover life.
> 1:11
> 1:11
> 1:11
> 1:12 The Navy recruiter said they wanted college graduates.
> 1:14
> 1:15 The Marine recruiter had a spooky
> 1:16 thousand-yard stare,
> 1:18 and he scared me.
> 1:19
> 1:19 I told the Army recruiter
> 1:20 that I wanted to drive armored personelle carriers.
> 1:23 He said sure,
> 1:24 sign up!
> 1:24
> 1:25 Tests showed I had no aptitude for soldierly things.
> 1:27
> 1:28 So they gave me Russian language training for a year,
> 1:30 and stationed me in Germany,
> 1:32 in the Army Security Agency.
> 1:33
> 1:34
> 1:34 I can still remember one Russian phrase:
> 1:36 "Ne strelyieetee!"
> 1:37 which means,
> 1:38 "Don't shoot."
> 1:39
> 1:39
> 1:39 I adopted the widespread but strictly Ver-boat-en,
> 1:42
> 1:42 and sodden,
> 1:43 indulgence of smoking hashish.
> 1:45
> 1:45
> 1:45 When I returned home,
> 1:47 I was reading about electronics,
> 1:48 and working as a plastics injection
> 1:50 molding mechanic,
> 1:51 at PaperMate,
> 1:52 on huge injection molding presses
> 1:54 that could drop out
> 1:55 128 pen barrels
> 1:56 from a single shot of plastic.
> 1:58
> 1:58
> 1:58 I was doing very badly in school,
> 2:00
> 2:00 smoking pot,
> 2:01 and skipping lots of classes.
> 2:03
> 2:03
> 2:03
> 2:03
> 2:04 But I had a mission:
> 2:05
> 2:05
> 2:05
> 2:06 PaperMate used a laser light beam
> 2:07 and multiple mirrors
> 2:09
> 2:09 to shine light back-and-forth
> 2:11 across the mold cavities,
> 2:12
> 2:12 to detect if any pen barrel
> 2:14 failed to drop out of the mold.
> 2:15
> 2:16 The laser and mirrors had
> 2:17 continual alignment problems,
> 2:19 which would often prevent
> 2:20 the presses from running.
> 2:22
> 2:22
> 2:22 I was inspired with a novel idea,
> 2:24
> 2:24 and worked for months designing,
> 2:26 and submitted my idea:
> 2:27
> 2:27 to use a pulsed L.E.D.,
> 2:29 and a synchronously gated
> 2:30 optical detector,
> 2:31
> 2:31 one pair for each row of mold cavities.
> 2:33
> 2:34
> 2:34 PaperMate adopted my idea,
> 2:35
> 2:36 and awarded me twelve hundred dollars.
> 2:38
> 2:38
> 2:38 With that credential,
> 2:40
> 2:40 I advanced through several electronics jobs,
> 2:42 and into a new field of computer programming,
> 2:44
> 2:45 and am now a Senior Software Engineer.
> 2:47
> 2:47
> 2:47 But at that same time,
> 2:48
> 2:49 1976,
> 2:49
> 2:50 immature,
> 2:50 shy,
> 2:51 avoidant,
> 2:52 neurotic,
> 2:52
> 2:53 failing in school,
> 2:54
> 2:54
> 2:54 I had a nervous breakdown:
> 2:56 an acute psychosis.
> 2:57
> 2:57
> 2:57
> 2:58 I cannot remember the night,
> 2:59 but I had stayed up all night.
> 3:01
> 3:01
> 3:01 I came out of my bedroom the next morning,
> 3:03 to discuss with my father
> 3:05 a pressing idea:
> 3:06 that I had to kill him.
> 3:07
> 3:07
> 3:07 I told my father
> 3:08 a large candle on the table was a bomb,
> 3:10 and if I were to light it,
> 3:12 the whole world would explode.
> 3:13
> 3:14 He handed me his Zippo
> 3:15 and challenged me to light it.
> 3:16
> 3:17 I lit the candle,
> 3:18 and dashed away into my bedroom,
> 3:19 as if that little distance could save me.
> 3:21
> 3:22
> 3:22
> 3:22 By the end of the day,
> 3:23
> 3:24 my racing thoughts had turned inward
> 3:26 until I was nearly catatonic.
> 3:27
> 3:27 I was shaking two stones
> 3:29 violently together in my hand,
> 3:30
> 3:31 and would not speak,
> 3:32 or reply to any question.
> 3:33
> 3:34
> 3:34 I was trying to stop vibrating,
> 3:35
> 3:36 and to think myself smaller,
> 3:37
> 3:38 like a pebble,
> 3:38 a grain of sand,
> 3:39 a speck,
> 3:40
> 3:40 to escape divine inspection
> 3:42
> 3:42 and the wrath of God.
> 3:43
> 3:44
> 3:44 My parents took me to a
> 3:45 crisis intervention center,
> 3:47
> 3:47 where the nurse coaxed me
> 3:48 to take her golden elixer,
> 3:50
> 3:50 by confronting me with:
> 3:51
> 3:52 "Do you want to be crazy?"
> 3:53
> 3:53
> 3:54 I took the med,
> 3:54 and laid down on a bed,
> 3:56
> 3:56 becoming totally engaged with a sunbeam
> 3:58 coming in the window.
> 3:59
> 4:00
> 4:00 I may have looked peaceful,
> 4:01 but I was not resting at all.
> 4:03
> 4:03 I was in mental agony.
> 4:04
> 4:05
> 4:05
> 4:05 My mind was fixated on this idea:
> 4:07
> 4:07 That I am an atomic bomb,
> 4:08 about to blow up the entire universe.
> 4:10
> 4:11 The beating of my heart was its timer,
> 4:12 counting downward towards extinction.
> 4:15
> 4:15
> 4:15
> 4:15 Although I could not move my inert body,
> 4:17
> 4:18 I mentally winced with every heartbeat,
> 4:20 thinking it would be my last.
> 4:21
> 4:22
> 4:22
> 4:22
> 4:22 But I did not explode,
> 4:24 ending the world.
> 4:25
> 4:25
> 4:25
> 4:25
> 4:26 Since then, I have learned to recast my psychosis
> 4:28
> 4:28 as a divine intervention
> 4:30 in my going-nowhere life.
> 4:31
> 4:32
> 4:32 God turned me around sharply,
> 4:33
> 4:34 and forced me to learn psychology,
> 4:35
> 4:36 to passionately study religion,
> 4:37
> 4:38 also literature;
> 4:39
> 4:39
> 4:39 To become fascinated with the end of the world,
> 4:42
> 4:42 or rather,
> 4:43 the end of the dispensation of grace,
> 4:45
> 4:45 which,
> 4:45 I say,
> 4:46
> 4:46 is marked by a much prophesied spectacle:
> 4:48
> 4:49 the 2001 collapse
> 4:50
> 4:50 of the World Trade Center towers.
> 4:52
> 4:52
> 4:52
> 4:53 I hope to speak
> 4:53 of that in future talks.
> 4:55
> 4:55
> 4:55
> 4:56
> 4:56 Thank you, fellow Toastmasters.
> 4:58
> 4:58
> 4:58 Mr. Toastmaster.
> 4:59
> 5:00
>
>
>Yours truly,
>Glenn Scheper
>http://home.earthlink.net/~glenn_scheper/
>glenn_scheper + at + earthlink.net
>Copyleft(!) Forward freely.
>
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