NP: Me, bragging again.

kelber at mindspring.com kelber at mindspring.com
Thu Oct 23 11:40:10 CDT 2008


Congratulations!  

Laura

-----Original Message-----
>From: Glenn Scheper <glenn_scheper at earthlink.net>
>Sent: Oct 23, 2008 9:22 AM
>To: P-List <pynchon-l at waste.org>
>Subject: NP: Me, bragging again.
>
>I did my icebreaker prepared talk at Toastmasters.
>I got the prize ribbon, beating a H.S. principle.
>
>Below is my text, with differing indents to help
>me see points, but I ended up talking w/o notes.
>
>I even wrote a C program that counts characters,
>to proportion a timeline for practice recitals:
>
>Due to memory lapses, I only reached my 4:25 point
>after the 6-minute red card was shown, and stopped
>at 6:16. Lucky that line sounded like an end point.
>
>I owe it all to my rants and raves on the P list!
>
> 0:00 
> 0:00 Thank you, Mr. Toastmaster,
> 0:01         and fellow Toastmasters,
> 0:03                 and distinguished guests.
> 0:04 
> 0:05 
> 0:05 I was born a poor black child.
> 0:06 
> 0:07         I love the cognitive dissonance of saying that!
> 0:09 
> 0:09 
> 0:10 Actually, my upbringing was orderly,
> 0:11 
> 0:12         like,
> 0:12                 "Father knows best",
> 0:14         or,
> 0:14                 "Leave it to Beaver".
> 0:15 
> 0:15 
> 0:16 My father only ever stressed scholarship.
> 0:18 
> 0:18         But scholarship as its own end,
> 0:20                 not a means to anything.
> 0:21 
> 0:21 A lawyer,
> 0:22         he promised me ten cents for every word
> 0:24                 I learned out of the dictionary.
> 0:26 
> 0:26 
> 0:26         With no plan,
> 0:27                 and left to my own,
> 0:28 
> 0:28                         I did not advance in the task,
> 0:30                                 but I kept memorizing
> 0:31                                         the first few words:
> 0:32 
> 0:33                                 the indefinite article A,
> 0:34                                  aardvark,
> 0:35                                   anteater.
> 0:36 
> 0:36         I never saw a dime.
> 0:37                 But the dictionary did become my favorite reading.
> 0:40 
> 0:40 
> 0:40 I excelled in math and science.
> 0:42 
> 0:42         In the fifties,
> 0:43                 the world appeared to be a technocracy.
> 0:45 
> 0:45         I wanted to grow up to be a scientist,
> 0:47                 working in a government institution.
> 0:49 
> 0:49 
> 0:50 
> 0:50 I was what's called a weak-atheist,
> 0:52         seeing all religion as only fable.
> 0:54 
> 0:54         I would have become a secular humanist,
> 0:56                 if I had even known such term,
> 0:57 
> 0:58         for alas,
> 0:58                 I eschewed all fiction,
> 1:00                         and with it,
> 1:00                                 the humanities.
> 1:01 
> 1:02 
> 1:02 
> 1:02 But life took a different course.
> 1:04 
> 1:04 
> 1:05 
> 1:05         Although a sophomore at UCLA,
> 1:06                 I was still an innocent.
> 1:08 
> 1:08         I joined the Army to leave home,
> 1:10                 and discover life.
> 1:11 
> 1:11 
> 1:11 
> 1:12         The Navy recruiter said they wanted college graduates.
> 1:14 
> 1:15         The Marine recruiter had a spooky
> 1:16                 thousand-yard stare,
> 1:18                         and he scared me.
> 1:19 
> 1:19         I told the Army recruiter
> 1:20                 that I wanted to drive armored personelle carriers.
> 1:23                         He said sure,
> 1:24                                 sign up!
> 1:24 
> 1:25         Tests showed I had no aptitude for soldierly things.
> 1:27 
> 1:28                 So they gave me Russian language training for a year,
> 1:30                         and stationed me in Germany,
> 1:32                                 in the Army Security Agency.
> 1:33 
> 1:34 
> 1:34                 I can still remember one Russian phrase:
> 1:36                         "Ne strelyieetee!"
> 1:37                                 which means,
> 1:38                                         "Don't shoot."
> 1:39 
> 1:39 
> 1:39 I adopted the widespread but strictly Ver-boat-en,
> 1:42 
> 1:42         and sodden,
> 1:43                 indulgence of smoking hashish.
> 1:45 
> 1:45 
> 1:45 When I returned home,
> 1:47         I was reading about electronics,
> 1:48                 and working as a plastics injection
> 1:50                     molding mechanic,
> 1:51                       at PaperMate,
> 1:52                         on huge injection molding presses
> 1:54                             that could drop out
> 1:55                                 128 pen barrels
> 1:56                                    from a single shot of plastic.
> 1:58 
> 1:58 
> 1:58 I was doing very badly in school,
> 2:00 
> 2:00         smoking pot,
> 2:01                 and skipping lots of classes.
> 2:03 
> 2:03 
> 2:03 
> 2:03 
> 2:04 But I had a mission:
> 2:05 
> 2:05 
> 2:05 
> 2:06 PaperMate used a laser light beam
> 2:07         and multiple mirrors
> 2:09 
> 2:09             to shine light back-and-forth
> 2:11                 across the mold cavities,
> 2:12 
> 2:12                     to detect if any pen barrel
> 2:14                         failed to drop out of the mold.
> 2:15 
> 2:16         The laser and mirrors had
> 2:17                 continual alignment problems,
> 2:19                         which would often prevent
> 2:20                                 the presses from running.
> 2:22 
> 2:22 
> 2:22 I was inspired with a novel idea,
> 2:24 
> 2:24         and worked for months designing,
> 2:26             and submitted my idea:
> 2:27 
> 2:27                 to use a pulsed L.E.D.,
> 2:29                         and a synchronously gated
> 2:30                                 optical detector,
> 2:31 
> 2:31                         one pair for each row of mold cavities.
> 2:33 
> 2:34 
> 2:34 PaperMate adopted my idea,
> 2:35 
> 2:36         and awarded me twelve hundred dollars.
> 2:38 
> 2:38 
> 2:38 With that credential,
> 2:40 
> 2:40         I advanced through several electronics jobs,
> 2:42                 and into a new field of computer programming,
> 2:44 
> 2:45                         and am now a Senior Software Engineer.
> 2:47 
> 2:47 
> 2:47 But at that same time,
> 2:48 
> 2:49         1976,
> 2:49 
> 2:50                 immature,
> 2:50                  shy,
> 2:51                   avoidant,
> 2:52                    neurotic,
> 2:52 
> 2:53                     failing in school,
> 2:54 
> 2:54 
> 2:54         I had a nervous breakdown:
> 2:56                 an acute psychosis.
> 2:57 
> 2:57 
> 2:57 
> 2:58 I cannot remember the night,
> 2:59         but I had stayed up all night.
> 3:01 
> 3:01 
> 3:01         I came out of my bedroom the next morning,
> 3:03                 to discuss with my father
> 3:05                         a pressing idea:
> 3:06                                 that I had to kill him.
> 3:07 
> 3:07 
> 3:07 I told my father
> 3:08         a large candle on the table was a bomb,
> 3:10                 and if I were to light it,
> 3:12                         the whole world would explode.
> 3:13 
> 3:14         He handed me his Zippo
> 3:15                 and challenged me to light it.
> 3:16 
> 3:17         I lit the candle,
> 3:18             and dashed away into my bedroom,
> 3:19                 as if that little distance could save me.
> 3:21 
> 3:22 
> 3:22 
> 3:22 By the end of the day,
> 3:23 
> 3:24         my racing thoughts had turned inward
> 3:26                 until I was nearly catatonic.
> 3:27 
> 3:27         I was shaking two stones
> 3:29                 violently together in my hand,
> 3:30 
> 3:31         and would not speak,
> 3:32                 or reply to any question.
> 3:33 
> 3:34 
> 3:34 I was trying to stop vibrating,
> 3:35 
> 3:36         and to think myself smaller,
> 3:37 
> 3:38                 like a pebble,
> 3:38                  a grain of sand,
> 3:39                   a speck,
> 3:40 
> 3:40         to escape divine inspection
> 3:42 
> 3:42                 and the wrath of God.
> 3:43 
> 3:44 
> 3:44 My parents took me to a
> 3:45         crisis intervention center,
> 3:47 
> 3:47                 where the nurse coaxed me
> 3:48                         to take her golden elixer,
> 3:50 
> 3:50                                 by confronting me with:
> 3:51 
> 3:52                                 "Do you want to be crazy?"
> 3:53 
> 3:53 
> 3:54         I took the med,
> 3:54                 and laid down on a bed,
> 3:56 
> 3:56                         becoming totally engaged with a sunbeam
> 3:58                                 coming in the window.
> 3:59 
> 4:00 
> 4:00         I may have looked peaceful,
> 4:01                 but I was not resting at all.
> 4:03 
> 4:03         I was in mental agony.
> 4:04 
> 4:05 
> 4:05 
> 4:05 My mind was fixated on this idea:
> 4:07 
> 4:07         That I am an atomic bomb,
> 4:08                 about to blow up the entire universe.
> 4:10 
> 4:11         The beating of my heart was its timer,
> 4:12                 counting downward towards extinction.
> 4:15 
> 4:15 
> 4:15 
> 4:15 Although I could not move my inert body,
> 4:17 
> 4:18         I mentally winced with every heartbeat,
> 4:20                 thinking it would be my last.
> 4:21 
> 4:22 
> 4:22 
> 4:22 
> 4:22 But I did not explode,
> 4:24         ending the world.
> 4:25 
> 4:25 
> 4:25 
> 4:25 
> 4:26 Since then, I have learned to recast my psychosis
> 4:28 
> 4:28         as a divine intervention
> 4:30                 in my going-nowhere life.
> 4:31 
> 4:32 
> 4:32         God turned me around sharply,
> 4:33 
> 4:34                 and forced me to learn psychology,
> 4:35 
> 4:36                         to passionately study religion,
> 4:37 
> 4:38                                 also literature;
> 4:39 
> 4:39 
> 4:39         To become fascinated with the end of the world,
> 4:42 
> 4:42                 or rather,
> 4:43                         the end of the dispensation of grace,
> 4:45 
> 4:45                 which,
> 4:45                         I say,
> 4:46 
> 4:46                 is marked by a much prophesied spectacle:
> 4:48 
> 4:49                         the 2001 collapse
> 4:50 
> 4:50                                 of the World Trade Center towers.
> 4:52 
> 4:52 
> 4:52 
> 4:53 I hope to speak
> 4:53         of that in future talks.
> 4:55 
> 4:55 
> 4:55 
> 4:56 
> 4:56 Thank you, fellow Toastmasters.
> 4:58 
> 4:58 
> 4:58 Mr. Toastmaster.
> 4:59 
> 5:00 
>
>
>Yours truly,
>Glenn Scheper
>http://home.earthlink.net/~glenn_scheper/
>glenn_scheper + at + earthlink.net
>Copyleft(!) Forward freely.
>




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