Re: IVIV: chapter seven—Eel Trovatore

[malignd at aol.com]

Let's look at this again.

   ''I'm Chlorinda, what'll it be," A waitress in a combination Nehru  
jacket and Hawaiian-print shirt, just long enough to qualify as 
a minidress, and with a set of vibes that didn't help sharpen anybody's 
appetite. 

[What is a "set" of vibes?]
 
"Ordinarily I'd go for the Admiral's Luau," Sauncho more diffident than 
Doc expected, "but today I guess I'll just have the house anchovy loaf 
to start and, urn, the devil-ray filet, can I get that deep-fried in 
beer batter?" 
 
"Your stomach isn't it. How about you, l'il buddy?" 

[the apostrophe in li'l) is misplaced.
 

"If my husband dared to eat any of this shit, I'd throw him out on his 
ass and drop all his Iron Butterfly albums out the window after him." 

[this seems to me a highly improbable remark, and it doesn't have any 
particular humor to justify it ...]
 
"Trick question," Doc said hastily. "The, uh, jellyfish 
teriyaki croquettes I guess? and the Eel Trovatore?" 

[I don't know what "Trick question" refers to.  Perhaps I'm missing 
something ...?]
 
''And to drink, gentlemen. You'll want to be good and fucked up by the 
time this arrives. I'd recommend Tequila Zombies, they work pretty 
quick." She stalked away scowling.

[Since, as she stalked away, her scowl would have been invisible to 
those present at the table, it's a meaning
less piece of information and 
a bit of poor writing.] 
 
<< Chlorinda is yet another brief walk-on but it's hard to imagine 
anyone more brilliantly acidic than this waitress. >>

[????  Where the brilliance?   "Hard to imagine"??  What's hard to 
imagine is virtually anything specific about her.  Is she young?  Old?  
What color her hair? Is she fat? Thin?  Even her dialog is generic and 
unrevealing.

It's a woman serving men: where is that dynamic?  What do they think?

Is the rule that anything out of the pen of the master is "brilliance"?]