Re: IVIV: chapter seven—Eel Trovatore

[rich]

I think these are all fair criticisms. I think alot of the bad writing
in Against the Day was at least submerged to a certain extent by many
instances of the opposite--the size of the book helped, i.e.

rich



On 9/22/09, malignd at aol.com <malignd at aol.com> wrote:
> Let's look at this again.
>
>    ''I'm Chlorinda, what'll it be," A waitress in a combination Nehru
> jacket and Hawaiian-print shirt, just long enough to qualify as
> a minidress, and with a set of vibes that didn't help sharpen anybody's
> appetite.
>
> [What is a "set" of vibes?]
>
> "Ordinarily I'd go for the Admiral's Luau," Sauncho more diffident than
> Doc expected, "but today I guess I'll just have the house anchovy loaf
> to start and, urn, the devil-ray filet, can I get that deep-fried in
> beer batter?"
>
> "Your stomach isn't it. How about you, l'il buddy?"
>
> [the apostrophe in li'l) is misplaced.
>
>
> "If my husband dared to eat any of this shit, I'd throw him out on his
> ass and drop all his Iron Butterfly albums out the window after him."
>
> [this seems to me a highly improbable remark, and it doesn't have any
> particular humor to justify it ...]
>
> "Trick question," Doc said hastily. "The, uh, jellyfish
> teriyaki croquettes I guess? and the Eel Trovatore?"
>
> [I don't know what "Trick question" refers to.  Perhaps I'm missing
> something ...?]
>
> ''And to drink, gentlemen. You'll want to be good and fucked up by the
> time this arrives. I'd recommend Tequila Zombies, they work pretty
> quick." She stalked away scowling.
>
> [Since, as she stalked away, her scowl would have been invisible to
> those present at the table, it's a meaning
> less piece of information and
> a bit of poor writing.]
>
> << Chlorinda is yet another brief walk-on but it's hard to imagine
> anyone more brilliantly acidic than this waitress. >>
>
> [????  Where the brilliance?   "Hard to imagine"??  What's hard to
> imagine is virtually anything specific about her.  Is she young?  Old?
> What color her hair? Is she fat? Thin?  Even her dialog is generic and
> unrevealing.
>
> It's a woman serving men: where is that dynamic?  What do they think?
>
> Is the rule that anything out of the pen of the master is "brilliance"?]
>
>