Re: NP: A Little Wordplay for an East Coast Snowy Idée

[Joseph Tracy]

Good laughs
On Jan 30, 2010, at 12:28 PM, Henry Musikar wrote:

> 1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years  
> of war
> with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the  
> Euphrates,
> the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to
> Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.
> Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."
> "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't  
> you know
> who I am? I am the king!"
>
> Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference  
> who you
> are."
>
> 2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
> bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records were destroyed  
> in a
> fire, ...and so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
>
> 3. A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I  
> think
> I'm shrinking!"
> The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to  
> be a
> little patient."
>
> 4. A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered  
> dolphins
> that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls.  
> One day,
> his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some  
> more. On
> the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake  
> them, he
> gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged
> with...transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
>
> 5. Back in the 1800's the Tate's Watch Company of Massachusetts  
> wanted to
> produce other products, and since they already made the cases for  
> watches,
> they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so bad  
> that
> people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California .  
> This, of
> course, is the origin of the expression,..."He who has a Tates is  
> lost!"
>
> 6. A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the  
> toilets and
> urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We  
> have
> absolutely nothing to go on."
>
> 7. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the  
> medicine man.
> After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin  
> strip of
> elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off,  
> chew, and
> swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the  
> medicine man
> returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and  
> said, "The
> thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
>
> 8. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found  
> his name
> missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to  
> the
> local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have  
> taken
> Leif off my census."
>
> Henry Mu
> Sr. IT Consultant
> http://astore.amazon.com/tdcoccamsaxe-20/