could...

[Michael Bailey]

well, the only grammatical anomaly I spotted was in the 3rd paragraph
on the topmost posting,

"people were disoriented to believe to be under the attack of chemical weapons."

perhaps "believe themselves to be" or "...believe the city [polis,
country, us, something like that] to be..."


other than that it's very nicely written and sounds like the beginning
of a Bildungsroman.  Lots of places you could go with that.
For me, I find it easier to get involved in a narrative when there's
at least one likeable character, but lots of people would differ, many
of them with more impressive credentials than myself.




 Natália Portinari wrote:
> any of you take a look at my blog? (:
> it's http://spamaloter.posterous.com/
> you're all very good readers, i know that from my pynchon-l membership, so I
> thought it'd be nice to show you.
> thanks, sorry for spamming! (I'm really looking foward to your negative
> criticism, srsly)