Paracultural Calendar for August 26

[Mark Thibodeau]

On this day in *1498*, the legendary artist *Michelangelo* is commissioned
to carve the world-famous Pietà.

***

On this day in *1789*, the *Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the
Citizen* is approved by the National Constituent Assembly of France.

***

On this day in *1883*... *KA-FUCKIN-BOOM!!!* The island of *Krakatoa* (near
Java) blows up real good, killing 36,000 people in the process. Most died
after being swept away by the humongous tidal waves that encircled the
world's oceans after the ocean collapsed in on the smoking hole the
explosion left behind. Ash and debris that had been blasted into the
atmosphere by the explosion darkened the sky and cooled the planet for a
year afterwards.

***

On this day in *1920*, the 19th Amendment to the Constitution is passed,
granting women the right to vote. Since then, we've been involved in over a
dozen major military conflicts, experienced two dozen major earthquakes,
three massive droughts and two massive, nation-wide silk-worm infestations.
Coincidence? Not bloody likely.

***

Memo to automobile manufacturers: NEVER roll out a new line of automobiles
on this day, ever again. It was on this day in *1957* that the *Ford Motor
Company* introduced the *Edsel* to the car-buying public. Named after *Henry
Ford*’s son, *Edsel Bryant*, the Edsel was the first car built based on
market research, which showed that consumers wanted more horsepower,
tailfins, three-tone paint jobs, and wrap-around windshields. Apparently,
Ford's executives didn't know then what yer old pal Jerky knows, now...
mainly, that the vast majority of people are TOO FUCKING STUPID to know
what they want. Also, on this day in *1985*, that Yugoslavian-built
punchline-on-wheels known as the *Yugo*makes its North American debut.
Remember *Saturday Night Live*'s satirical commercial for the *Adobe*? The
"little car that's made out of clay"? The Yugo wasn't much better.

***

On this day in *1970*, the then new feminist movement, led by *Betty
Friedan*, leads a nation-wide Women's Strike for Equality. It doesn't work.

***

On this day in *1977*, the Charter of the French Language is adopted by the
National Assembly of Quebec. English Canadians from sea to sea to sea shit
their collective drawers in goofball outrage.
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