Paracultural Calendar for Jan 31

[Mark Thibodeau]

On this day in *1696*, the creepiest protest ever takes place when
Amsterdam's undertakers take to the streets to demonstrate against proposed
funeral reforms.

***

On this day in *1928*, 3-M Company begins marketing Scotch Tape. Yer old
pal Jerky's still waiting for Sour Mash Bourbon Tape.

***

On this day in *1945*, draftee *Eddie Slovik* becomes the first American to
be *executed for desertion* since the Civil War. Nowadays, desertion gets
you... ummm... well... into the White House, *apparently*
<http://www.awolbush.com/>

***

Also on this day, in *1964*, a government report publicly confirms the
rumors that had been swirling around the water coolers for years... that
smoking cigarettes(i.e. taking a paper tube full of crushed tobacco plant
leaves, lighting said tube on fire and inhaling the resultant aromatic
smoke deeply into your lungs as a means of delivering minute payloads of
deadly nicotine poison into your bloodstream) might not be quite so
beneficial to one's health as we were originally led to believe.

***

Ding dong, it's the Viet Cong! *Ho Chi Mihn*'s revolutionary army launches
the *Tet Offensive* on this day in *1968*. Chaos ensues.

***

On this day in *1990*, McDonald's opens their first restaurant in
post-Soviet Russia. Mindful of the local palette, this franchise features
such unique fare as *McStroganoff*, *McBorscht* and*Chicken McKiev*.
***

On this day in *1969*, hippy-freak rock-and-roll band *The Beatles* perform
their final live concert together. And who can forget the stirring
image of *John,
Paul,George and Ringo* playing that historic 42-minute set to a rapt
audience from the roof of their Apple Records headquarters? Certainly not *Ewe
Too*, those fuckin' copycats!
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