Paracultural Calendar for Feb 3

[Mark Thibodeau]

On this day in *1377*, more than 2,000 people of the Italian city of Cesena
are slaughtered by Papal Troops (Cesena Bloodbath).

***

On this day in *1451*, Sultan *Mehmed II* inherits the throne of the
Ottoman Empire.

***

On this day in *1637*, Tulip mania collapses in the United Provinces (now
the Netherlands) as sellers could no longer find buyers for their bulb
contracts.

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On this day in *1690*, the colony of Massachusetts issues the first paper
money in America.

***

On this day in *1815*, the world's first commercial cheese factory is
established in Switzerland. Never before have so many people cut so much
cheese at such close proximity to each other without starting a riot.

***

On this day in *1870*, the Fifteenth Amendment to the United States
Constitution is ratified, guaranteeing voting rights to citizens regardless
of race.

***

On this day in *1887*, Congress creates the Electoral Count Act to help
avoid disputes during close national elections. Insert sarcastic snort of
derision, here.

***

On this day in *1953*, a chimpanzee by the name of *J. Fred Muggs* becomes
a media sensation when *Dave Garroway* hires him as a co-host for his *Today
Show*, on NBC. After biting actress *Martha "Big Mouth" Raye* in 1954,
Muggs is sent on an international good-will tour, prompting one surly
Soviet propagandist to write: "A symbol of the American way of life, Muggs
is necessary in order that the average American should not look into
reports on rising taxes, and decreasing pay, but rather laugh at the funny
mug of a chimpanzee." Ouch... Nice shot, Igor.

***

On this day in *1959*, the music dies when 22-year-old seminal rock
legend *Buddy
Holly*, 17-year-old flash-in-the-pan *Ritchie Valens*, and 28-year-old rock
novelty act *J.P. "The Big Bopper" Richardson* all perish when their plane
crashes in Iowa a few minutes after taking off from Moorehead, Minnesota.
Oh, if only the Grim Reaper had taken Don McLean, instead! Then, instead of
being known as "the day the music died," it would be known as "the day the
guy who wrote The Day the Music Died died!"

***

The Soviets land the first man-made object on the Moon on this day in *1966*.
It's the unmanned probe, Luna 9.

***

On this day in *1971*, New York Police Officer *Frank Serpico* is shot
during a drug bust in Brooklyn and survives to later testify against police
corruption. Many believe the incident proves that NYPD officers tried to
kill him.

***

On this day in *1989*, a military coup overthrows *Alfredo Stroessner*,
dictator of Paraguay since 1954.

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On this day in *1994*, President *Bill Clinton* lifts the trade embargo
against Vietnam. Purple-faced, spittle-flecked outrage ensues.

***

On this day in the year *1998*, ignoring speed and altitude restrictions,
Marine Corps captain *Richard Ashby* Top-Guns his jet through a cable car
line in northern Italy, plunging twenty tourists 375 feet to their deaths.
On the bright side, I'm sure the view during their death-plunge was
breathtaking. Also on this day in 1998, after being mocked on TV by
then-governor *George Dubya Bush* ("Please don't kill me!"), Texas
inmate *Karla
Faye Tucker* is executed, becoming the first woman executed in the United
States since 1984.
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