Paracultural Calendar for Feb 24

[Mark Thibodeau]

On this day in *1303*, the Battle of Roslin takes place during the First
War of Scottish Independence.

***

On this day in the year *1807*, seventeen sadistic voyeurs get what they
deserve when they are trampled into a foamy pink pulp while attempting to
get a good view of a triple public execution in jolly old England.

***

On this day in *1821*, Mexico gains its independence from Spain.

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On this day in *1822*, the 1st Swaminarayan temple in the world, *Shri
Swaminarayan Mandir*, Ahmedabad, is inaugurated.

***

On this day in *1868*, *Andrew Johnson* becomes the first President of the
United States to be impeached by the United States House of
Representatives. He is later acquitted in the Senate.

***

On this day in *1920*, the Nazi Party is founded.

***

On this day in *1923*, in an all-out effort to eliminate the competition,
the US federal government launches a wave of Mafia arrests.

***

On this day in *1933*, the *League of Nations* tells Japan to pull out of
Manchuria. Japan objects on the grounds that it hasn't blown its load, yet.

***

On this day in *1942*, an order-in-council passed under the Defence of
Canada Regulations of the War Measures Act gives the Canadian federal
government the power to intern all "persons of Japanese racial origin".

***

On this day in *1945*, Egyptian Premier *Ahmed Maher Pasha* is killed in
Parliament after reading a decree.

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On this day in *1980*, the United States Olympic Hockey team completes
their Miracle on Ice by defeating Finland 4-2 to win the gold medal.

***

On this day in *1988*, the United States Supreme Court overturns a $200,000
settlement awarded to *Jerry Falwell* over his claim that he suffered
emotional distress when he was jokingly accused of having lost his
virginity to his own mother during a drunken tryst in an outhouse by one of
the writers at *Hustler Magazine*. Ultimately, the Supes decided that,
although in poor taste, Hustler's parody was protected by the First
Amendment. We here at the Daily Dirt get down on our knees and thank
Godzilla for this great precedent, every day.

***

On this day in *1989*, *Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini* offers a US$3 million
bounty for the death of The *Satanic Verses* author *Salman Rushdie*.
Meanwhile,
over the Pacific Ocean, United Airlines Flight 811, bound for New Zealand
from Honolulu, Hawaii, rips open during flight, blowing 9 passengers out of
the business-class section. And finally, also on this day, a security guard
finds a fat, ugly super-fan by the name of *Margaret Ray* in *David
Letterman*'s house (the late night host was away at the time). When
confronted, Ray claims to be Letterman's wife, but her story fails to wash.
Ray's obsession eventually switches targets, focusing instead on
moon-walking All-American, *Buzz Aldrin*. Soon after that, she knelt down
on some train tracks and kissed a high-balling freight train goodbye.

***

On this day in *2008*, *Fidel Castro* retires as the President of Cuba
after nearly fifty years.
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