Paracultural Calendar for July 5

[Mark Thibodeau]

 <https://longreadsblog.files.wordpress.com/2015/02/joan-of-arc.jpg?w=742>

On this day in *1456*, in a case of closing the barn door after the horses
have escaped, the tractor has been stolen and the barn, itself, has been
reduced to kindling, a tribunal declares *Joan of Arc* to be innocent of
the crimes for which she was burned at the stake.

***

Happy birthday to *John Paul Jones*, born on this day in *1747*! John Paul
was the sea-going hero who uttered the immortal words: "I have not yet
begun to fight." John Paul also stunned the scientific community when he
went on to play bass for *Led Zeppelin*, even though he was well into his
two-hundred-and-thirties. Way to keep on rockin' JPJ!

***

On this day in *1811*, Venezuela becomes the first South American country
to declare independence from Spain. Always the trouble-makers, aren't they?

***

On this day in *1830*, France invades Algeria, and they all live happily
ever after! Well... at least until this day in *1962 *when, after years of
bloody revolt, Algeria gains its independent from France. Huzzah!

***

On this day in *1865*, some Jesus-freak by the name of *William Booth* founds
The Christian Mission, which would later be renamed *The Salvation Army*.
They may eventually come to regret that name-change, as rumor has it that
former *Preznit Dubya* once considered the possibility of deploying these
bell-ringing pan-handlers to Iraq.

***

On this day in *1944*, the *Ringling Brothers Circus* lives up to its
stated goal of providing the "Greatest Show on Earth" when their big-top
catches fire in Hartford, Connecticut. 170 people are roasted to their
deaths in the infernal conflagration, giving new meaning to the old showbiz
term, SHOWSTOPPER!

***

On this day in *1975*, tennis player *Arthur Ashe* becomes the first - and
last - black man to win the Wimbledon singles title. He then went on to die
of AIDS. Coincidence? Pfeh! Don't make me laugh.

***

On this day in *1989*, twenty five years ago, the sitcom *Seinfeld* airs
its first episode on NBC. All together now: "WHAT?!?!"

***

On this day of the year *2014*, half the back yards in America stink of
spent gunpowder, cheap beer and boozy hot-dog vomit. Don't worry about it,
though... they say it's good for the lawn!
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