PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JULY 17

[Mark Thibodeau]

On this day in *1917*, England's *King George V* issues a Proclamation
stating that the male
line descendants of the British Royal Family will bear the surname *Windsor*.
This is done to
remove the Teutonic stink from their "royal house", due to rising
anti-German sentiment over
the First (and eventually, the Second) World War(s).

***

On this day in *1918*, in Russia, the Bolshevik Party orders - and the
Cheka carries out - the
murders of emperor *Nicholas II* and his family. After the deed is done,
the victims' bodies are
dipped in acid, set on fire, then dumped down an abandoned mine shaft in an
undisclosed
location, to prevent loyalists from having bodies over which to grieve.
Rumors soon began to
spread, however, so the murderers retrieved the bodies with the intent of
dumping them down
a different mine shaft, far away. The vehicle in which they were
transporting the bodies broke
down along the way, however, and the conspirators had to settle on burying
the bodies in a
sealed pit 12 miles outside Yekaterinburg. In 1981 Nicholas and his family
are canonized as
saints by the Russian Orthodox Church Outside Russia. The bodies remained
undiscovered
until *1991*, soon after the collapse of the Soviet Union. Finally, after a
long, strange post-life -
and, not so coincidentally, on the 80th anniversary of their murder - the
Romanovs' remains
are buried in St. Catherine Chapel on this day in *1998*.

***

On this day in *1945*, the leaders of the three Allied nations, *Winston
Churchill*, *Harry Truman*
and *Joseph Stalin*, meet in the German city of Potsdam to decide the
future of a defeated
Germany.

***

On this day in *1955*, animation industry titan *Walt Disney*'s ambitions
for total world domination
take a big step forward when he first opens *Disneyland*, his
fully-realized, 160-acre model of
the Utopian ideal to which he believes all of mankind should aspire. Today,
on the American
continent alone, Disney's combined Florida and California properties span
an impressive 70
square miles, dwarfing the *Vatican* in both surface area and cultural
influence. Can a request
to the U.N. for recognition of statehood be far behind?

***

On this day in the year *1967*, planet Earth passes through some kind of
radioactive space
cloud that mangles the very fabric of space and time, causing everybody to
go slightly bonkers.
Milk goes sour in the bottle, toads rain down from the sky, and, perhaps
worst of all, guitar
legend *Jimi Hendrix* plays a concert where he's the opening act for… the
fuckin' *MONKEYS!!!*

***

On this day in *1985*, the EUREKA Network for research and development of
new technologies
and financial markets is founded by former heads of state *François
Mitterrand* (France) and
*Helmut Kohl* (Germany). A cursory examination of the organization makes it
seem relatively
harmless - even somewhat *inspiring <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/EUREKA>* -
but I'm pretty sure there's a great potential for some
James Bond level villainy behind the scenes, there.

***

On this day in *1986*, White House Chief of Staff *Donald Regan* says
imposing economic
sanctions on the Apartheid government of South Africa wouldn't work because
"American
women" would never be willing to "give up all their jewelry". One year
later, after being forced
out of his job due to clashes with the First Lady, Regan would reveal to
the world both *Nancy *
*Reagan*'s increasing influence on the President's decision-making process,
as well as her
frequent consultations with personal astrologer *Joan Quigley* for advice
on national affairs.

***

On this day in *1996*, Paris-bound * TWA Flight 800* explodes in mid-air
off the coast of Long
Island, New York,  killing all 230 on board. The authorities urge everyone
to "move along"
because there is "nothing to see here." Of course, as usual, the
authorities are (ahem)
*full of shit
<http://www.naturalnews.com/040949_TWA_flight_800_cover-up.html>*. Or *are
they?
<http://www.thestreet.com/story/11956914/1/why-the-twa-flight-800-conspiracy-theorists-are-wrong.html>*
You
be the judge, I suppose, in this, the *grandaddy
<http://www.salon.com/2013/06/20/twa_800_internets_first_conspiracy_theory_comes_roaring_back/>*
of
all
Internet Conspiracy Theories.
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