ParaCalendar July 30, 31

[Mark Thibodeau]

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JULY 30
<http://uselesseaterblog.blogspot.ca/2015/07/paracultural-calendar-for-july-30.html>

On this day in *762*, Baghdad is founded by caliph *Al-Mansur*.

***

On this day in *1619*, colonial Virginia's House of Burgesses is
established. The first popularly elected legislature in the New World, the
House of Burgesses meant Americans had a 157-year head start on democracy
once they declared full independence from England in 1776, assuring a
relatively smooth transition towards self-rule. Of course this "democracy"
applied only to land-owning white dudes. But hey, you know... baby steps,
people!

***

On this day in *1733*, the first Masonic Grand Lodge in the future United
States is constituted in Massachusetts.

***

On this day in *1839*, a bloody revolt takes place on the slave ship *La
Amistad*, thereby laying the groundwork for yet another "message"
movie by *Steven
Spielberg*.

***

On this day in *1945*, Japanese submarine I-58 sinks the USS Indianapolis,
killing 883 seamen during World War II.

***

On this day in *1962*, the Trans-Canada Highway, the largest national
highway in the world, is officially opened.

***

On this day in *1965*, U.S. President *Lyndon B. Johnson* signs the Social
Security Act of 1965 into law, establishing Medicare and Medicaid.

***

On this day in *1975*, union boss *Jimmy Hoffa* disappears from the parking
lot of the Machus Red Fox restaurant in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan, a
suburb of Detroit, at about 2:30 p.m. He is never seen or heard from again,
and will be declared legally dead on this date in 1982.

***

On this day in *1991*, publicists for *MTV* announce that the
groundbreaking cable music video channel would soon be splitting into three
separate channels. Marketers call the move "expansion and diversification,"
while music lovers describe it as "metastasization."


PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JULY 31
<http://uselesseaterblog.blogspot.ca/2015/07/paracultural-calendar-for-july-31.html>
<http://th01.deviantart.net/fs50/PRE/i/2009/274/7/f/Antony_and_Cleopatra_by_Elf_Fin.jpg>

On this day in *30 BC*, the Battle of Alexandria takes place, during
which *Mark
Antony* achieves a minor victory over*Octavian*'s forces, but most of his
army subsequently deserts, leading to his suicide (he was under the
mistaken impression that his lover, *Cleopatra*, had already done herself
in). Or was it an Egyptian priest in Octavian's pay who murdered him? We
will never know. In any case, after her capture by the Roman general,
Cleopatra was allowed to give Marc Antony full burial rites.

***

On this day in *1790*, the very first United States patent is granted
to *Samuel
Hopkins*, for his miraculous potash processing technique. I don't even know
what potash is but am duly impressed, nonetheless!

***

On this day in *1922*, some dude by the name of *Ralph Samuelson* becomes
the first person to ride on water skis. The weird thing is, he doesn't do
it in Florida, where you might expect that kind of thing to happen.
Trail-blazing Samuelson strapped those planks to his tootsies in the great
state of Minnesota, on one of her many scenic (and ice-cold) lakes.

***

On this day in *1932*, the NSDAP (better known as the Nazi Party) wins more
than 38% of the vote in German elections. It is their greatest showing at
the polls.

***

On this day in *1941*, under instructions from *Adolf Hitler*, Nazi
official *Hermann Göring* orders SS General *Reinhard Heydrich* to "submit
to me as soon as possible a general plan of the administrative material and
financial measures necessary for carrying out the desired Final Solution of
the Jewish question." The birth of the Holocaust.

***

Starting just before midnight on this day in the year *1966*, chronic
headache-sufferer *Charles Whitman* goes totally fucking ape-shit. After
killing his mother and wife, he grabs a rifle and climbs to the observation
deck of the University of Texas clock tower and proceeds to rain hot leaden
death upon the cowering students below. Ninety minutes and sixteen corpses
later, a police officer is finally able to introduce Mister Whitman to his
maker. Later, an autopsy would reveal a golf ball-sized tumor in Whitman's
brain. The concept of S.W.A.T. policing basically came about because of
Whitman's rampage.

***

On this day in *2006*, revolutionary Cuban dictator *Fidel Castro* hands
over power to brother *Raúl* *Castro* like it was some kind of car
dealership or something.
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