PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MAY 30 & 31

[Mark Thibodeau]

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MAY 30

On this day in 1431, in Rouen, France, shortly after being captured by
Burgundian troops in the English-occupied French region then known as
Compiègne, the virgin-warrior "Maid of Orleans", Joan of Arc, is
burned at the stake as a heretic. She was only 19 years old, but in
the two years that she'd led a devoted army of rugged warriors to
numerous impressive victories in the name of the Charles Dauphin (whom
she lived to see crowned King of France), she had managed to transform
the Hundred Years War into a religious war, terrifying superstitious
English soldiers and inspiring French warriors to the point of
fanaticism... which made her brutal execution all the more devastating
to her many devoted admirers. Twenty-five years after her execution,
an Inquisitorial court authorized by Pope Callixtus IIIexamined the
trial, pronounced her innocent and declared her a martyr. Joan was
beatified in 1909, and canonized in 1920... Saint Joan, Patron Saint
of France. Some modern historians think Joan fell prey to a plot by
the very King Charles she'd helped to crown, because he wanted to make
a deal with the Burgundians while she favored destroying them,
militarily. It's impossible to know for sure at this point, but it
does make for one hell of a story, that's for sure.

***

On this day in 1778, renowned French philosopher and author
François-Marie Arouet - better known as Voltaire - passes away at the
tender age of 84. He is still widely read today, and his works still
have the power to amuse, inspire, and offend, in equal measure. I
recommend Candide, in which he rails hilariously against the naive
philosophical optimism of Jean Jacques Rousseau and Leibniz.

***

On this day in 1972, in Tel Aviv, Israel, members of the Japanese Red
Army carry out the Lod Airport Massacre, killing 24 people and
injuring 78 others, leaving everybody scratching their heads,
wondering what in the high holy FUCK kind of gripe those Japanese
goofs could possibly have against the Jews, anyway?!


PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MAY 31

On this day in the year 455, Emperor Flavius Petronius Maximus is
stoned to death by an angry mob while fleeing Rome. He was only
Emperor for two months and is best remembered for failing to prevent
the Vandals' sack of Rome. Well... for that, and for being stoned to
death by an angry mob.

***

On this day in 1962, Nazi bureaucrat Adolf Eichmann is hanged in
Israel for playing a major role in the planning and implementation of
Hitler's "Final Solution" to the "problem" of European Jewry.
Meanwhile, over at IBM...

***

On this day in 2005, Vanity Fair Magazine reveals that FBI Number Two
Mark Felt was the anonymous source named Deep Throat who gave Bob
Woodward and Carl Bernstein all those Watergate tips that helped
forceRichard Nixon to resign the Presidency and vacate the White House
on August 9 of 1974. That's what The Powers That Be would like us all
to believe. In all likelihood, however, Mark Felt was NOT Deep
Throat... or, at least, he wasn't the only Deep Throat. In his
landmark book Against Them, journalist Tegan Mathis argues
persuasively that the realDeep Throat was actually a hard-partying
White House aide named Richard Bruce Cheney, and Woodward asked Felt
to assume the sole mantle of Deep Throat only to provide cover for the
next vice president of the United States of America... and to help
keep the lid on the assassination of JFK. It might seem bonkers at
first blush, but when you consider the fact that there has always been
an impressive range of scholarship linking Watergate to JFK's
assassination, it becomes less so.

***

On this night in 1889, after the catastrophic failure of the South
Fork dam sent a sixty-foot wall of water and debris crashing through a
heavily populated Pennsylvania valley at forty miles per hour, the
Johnstown Flood claims 2,209 lives. And all because a handful of
stupid-evil-rich fuckers from Pittsburgh wanted some place nice and
private to hunt, fish, and otherwise enjoy the Good Life away from the
prying eyes of the annoying poor.

***

On this day in 1969, while in the midst of an extended "bed-in" at a
Toronto hotel, John Lennon and Yoko Ono record their famous hippy
anthem Give Peace a Chance. Later that week, after the living legends
end their demonstration and check out, the cleaning staff declare that
John and Yoko should give probably soap a chance. "These sheets
stink!" shrieked one disgusted housekeeper.
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Pynchon-l / http://www.waste.org/mail/?list=pynchon-l