Paracultural Calendar for March 8

[Mark Thibodeau]

On this day in *1010*, *Ferdowsi* completes his epic poem in honor of his
homeland, Iran: *Shāhnāmeh*.

***

On this day in *1618*, *Johannes Kepler* discovers the third law of
planetary motion.

***

On this day in *1722*, the Safavid Empire of Iran is defeated by an army
from Afghanistan at The Battle of Gulnabad, pushing Iran into anarchy.

***

On this day in *1775*, an anonymous writer, thought by some to be *Thomas
Paine*, publishes "African Slavery in America", the first article in the
American colonies calling for the emancipation of slaves and the abolition
of slavery.

***

On this day in *1782*, 96 Native Americans in Gnadenhutten, Ohio, who had
converted to Christianity are killed by Pennsylvania militiamen in
retaliation for raids carried out by other Indians.

***

On this day in *1868*, the Sakai incident occurs, when Japanese samurai
kill 11 French sailors in the port of Sakai near Osaka.

***

On this day in *1910*, French aviatrix *Raymonde de Laroche* becomes the
first woman to receive a pilot's license.

***

On this day in *1930*, the teacher *Mohandas "the Mahatma" Gandhi* calls
for widespread civil disobedience in British-occupied India. The core of
Gandhi's movement, which would eventually succeed in expelling the
occupiers, was "Satyagraha", a three-part concept including "Sat" (truth)
"Ahimsa" (pacifism) and "Tapasya" (the willingness to sacrifice one's self).

***

On this day in *1934*, astronomer *Edwin Hubble* reveals a photograph
showing that there are as many visible galaxies as there are stars in the
Milky Way galaxy. Although Hubble's first words upon seeing the image
weren't recorded for posterity, yer old pal Jerky imagines they were
probably on the order of: "Holy SHIT-balls! Look at all those fuckin'
GALAXIES!!! I'll make millions from the posters, alone!"

***

On this day in *1963*, the Ba'ath Party comes to power in Syria in a coup
d'état by a clique of quasi-leftist Syrian Army officers calling themselves
the National Council of the Revolutionary Command.

***

On this day in *1978*, the first radio episode of *The Hitchhiker's Guide
to the Galaxy*, by *Douglas Adams*, is transmitted on BBC Radio 4.

***

On this day in *1979*, Philips demonstrates the Compact Disc publicly for
the first time.

***

On this day in *1983*, U.S. President *Ronald Reagan* calls the Soviet
Union an "evil empire".

***

Also on this day, in *1993*, six gallons of milk are delivered to *David
Koresh*'s Branch Davidian compound in Elk/Waco/Carmel, on the ninth day of
the ATF/FBI siege there. Also, Koresh – whose wounds are healing nicely –
sends out a videotape containing footage of the children still trapped in
the compound with him… and informs negotiators that all these children are,
biologically, his own.

***

On this day in *1999*, the Crayola company announced that it would be
caving in to the requests of various Native American organizations by doing
away with the popular Indian Red color crayon. Previously, the last time
Crayola changed the name of one of its crayons was in 1962, when civil
rights advocates asked that the crayon labeled "flesh" be changed to
"peach" in recognition of the fact that not everybody is as *pigmentationally
challenged* as the average member of the Caucasian race. At the time, we
here at the Daily Dirt applauded Crayola's politically correct appeasement
of a downtrodden minority. Unfortunately, their follow-through hasn't been
as good as it should be. For instance, we're still waiting for them to do
away with all those other offensive colors, like Zipperhead Yellow,
Jungle-bunny Black and Sunset Spic. But hey... progress takes time, I guess.

***

On this day in *2004*, a new constitution is signed by Iraq's Governing
Council. And they lived happily ever after.
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