Paracultural Calendar for March 24

[Mark Thibodeau]

On this day in *1832*, in Hiram, Ohio a group of men beat, tar and feather
Mormon leader *Joseph Smith*.

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On this day in *1837*, Canada gives African Canadian men the right to vote.

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On this day in *1896*, *A.S. Popov* makes the first radio signal
transmission in history.

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On this day in *1944*, German troops murder 335 Italian civilians in Rome.
Meanwhile, in Germany, in an event later dramatized in the movie *The Great
Escape*, 76 Allied prisoners of war begin breaking out of the German camp
Stalag Luft III.

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On this day in *1958*, Rock'N'Roll teen idol *Elvis Presley* is drafted in
the U.S. Army. Chaos ensues.

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On this day in *1965*, NASA spacecraft Ranger 9, equipped to convert its
signals into a form suitable for showing on domestic television, brings
images of the Moon into ordinary homes before crash landing.

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On this day in *1972*, the United Kingdom imposes direct rule over Northern
Ireland.

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On this day in *1976*, in Argentina, the armed forces overthrow the
constitutional government of President *Isabel Perón* and start a 7-year
dictatorial period self-styled the National Reorganization Process. Since
2006, a public holiday known as Day of Remembrance for Truth and Justice is
held on this day.

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On this day in *1980*, Archbishop *Óscar Romero* is killed while
celebrating Mass in San Salvador.

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On this day in *1989*, thanks to the drunken antics of skipper *Ron
Hazelwood*, the Exxon Valdez runs into some rocks and spills 11.3 MILLION
GALLONS of crude off the pristine Alaska coastline. Just to put the
magnitude of this waste into its proper perspective: that's enough fuel to
keep about a half-dozen of your average SUVs running for an entire WEEKEND!

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On this day in *1998*, the *Jonesboro Horror* takes place, in which *Mitchell
Johnson*, 13, and *Andrew Golden*, 11, play a real-life, one-sided game of
Unreal Tournament with their classmates. The previous day, Johnson had
"joked" with friends he had "a lot of killing to do" because he was upset
at being rejected by girls at the school. After pulling a fire alarm,
Golden ran to join his buddy Johnson in the woods 100 yards from the
school's exit, a sniper's perch from which they fired upon the emerging
students and teachers, killing five and wounding ten. When the police
caught up with the boys and their stolen van later that same day, they
found an impressive array of firearms and other weapons, all of which had
been pilfered from the Golden family's massive personal armory. Much to the
*NRA*'s chagrin, it was later learned that both boys had been raised around
guns, both belonged to gun clubs, and both had participated in practical
shooting competitions, which involves firing at moving simulated human
targets. Too young to be tried as adults, the boys were held in a facility
built special for them by the Arkansas department of corrections, until
they turned 21, at which point, both men were released. Sick, sad, and true.

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On this day in *1999*, the Mont Blanc Tunnel fire kills 38 people.

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On this day in *1999*, NATO commences aerial bombardment against
Yugoslavia, marking the first time NATO has attacked a sovereign country.

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On this day in *2003*, the Arab League votes 21-1 in favor of a resolution
demanding the immediate and unconditional removal of U.S. and British
soldiers from Iraq.

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Believe it or not, today is *National Pecan Day* in the USA. So today, in
order to show your appreciation for all those hard working pecan ranchers
out there – those brave men and women who keep our pecan pies nice and
jam-packed with delicious pecans – why not go out and beat up a walnut
rancher? Come on, you know you wanna!
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