Paracultural Calendar for March 26

[Mark Thibodeau]

On this day in *1169*, *Saladin* becomes the emir of Egypt.

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On this day in *1351*, 30 Breton (French) Knights call out and defeat 30
English Knights.

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On this day in *1484*, *William Caxton* prints his translation of *Aesop's
Fables*.

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On this day in *1552*, Guru *Amar Das* becomes the Third Sikh Guru.

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On this day in *1790*, the shoelace is invented, thus sending the Velcro
industry into a tail-spin from which it wouldn't recover until Americans
became so collectively obese that spending more than a few quick seconds
with hands at foot level became unbearable, thus sparking a revival.

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On this day in *1812*, a political cartoon in the *Boston Gazette* coins
the term "gerrymander" to describe oddly shaped electoral districts
designed to help incumbents win reelection.

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On this day in *1830*, the *Book of Mormon* is published in Palmyra, New
York.

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On this day in *1885*, the Métis people of the District of Saskatchewan
under *Louis Riel* begin the North-West Rebellion against Canada.

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On this day in *1945*, the Battle of *Iwo Jima* ends as the island is
officially secured by American forces.

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On this day in *1975*, the Biological Weapons Convention comes into force.

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On this day in *1979*, *Anwar al-Sadat*, *Menachem Begin* and *Jimmy
Carter* sign
the Israel-Egypt Peace Treaty in Washington, D.C..

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On this day in *1991*, 5 South Korean boys, nicknamed the Frog Boys,
disappear while hunting for frogs and are murdered in a case that remains
unsolved.

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On this day in *1997*, 39 members of the *Heaven's Gate* cult – all
intelligent, educated, marginally functional members of society – commit
mass suicide in a rented mansion just outside San Diego. According to their
extensive online ramblings, they killed themselves to evolve beyond the
trappings of human flesh, and were hoping to hitch a ride on some kind of
giant alien Space Ark hidden in the tail of then-approaching Hale-Bopp
Comet. Yer old pal Jerky was originally going to point out that it takes
real balls to die for what you believe in – no matter how goofy – but then
he remembered that those guys were all castrated, totally throwing the
balls-to-suicide ratio theory out of whack.

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On this day in the year *2228*, *James Tiberius Kirk* is born. While
attending Starfleet Academy, Kirk becomes the only student to ever defeat
the dreaded Kobyashi Maru simulation test (he does so by cheating). The
highlight of his long and illustrious career with Starfleet is his stint as
captain of the USS Enterprise. Well... that, and fucking all those alien
chicks.
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