Paracultural Calendar for April 29 and 30

[Mark Thibodeau]

APRIL 29

On this day in *1945*, the German army in Italy unconditionally surrenders
to the Allies. Meanwhile, in Germany, the Dachau concentration camp is
liberated by United States troops.

*****

After refusing induction into the United States Army over religious
objections, world champion heavyweight boxer *Muhammad Ali* is stripped of
his title on this day in *1967*.

*****

On this day in *1992*, following the acquittal of police officers charged
with excessive force in the beating of *Rodney King*, riots break out in
Los Angeles, California. Over the next three days 53 people are killed and
hundreds of buildings are destroyed.

*****

On this day in *2004*, *Preznit Dubya* testifies before the *9/11
Commission*, but only after they agree to his three conditions. First, that
the hearing be closed and unrecorded take and place in the Oval Office;
second, that they not require him to be sworn in (which, seeing as he was
planning to lie, would leave him open to future charges of perjury); and
third, that creepy veep *Dick Cheney* be allowed to hold his hand
throughout the grueling ordeal. Fucking pathetic.


APRIL 30

On this day in *1945*, in an underground bunker, *Adolf Hitler* first
poisons his wife, *Eva Braun*, then blows his own brains out with a pistol.
Also, today is *Walpurgisnacht*, or Germany's Witch's Sabbath. Just a
friendly reminder to all you devil-worshipers planning to gather in wooded
glades in order to offer blood-sacrifices to *Wotan the Horned One*... stay
alive, don't drink and drive!

*****

On this day in *1966*, a former carnival barker by the name of *Anton
LaVey* shaves
his head, buys an abandoned insane asylum in San Francisco and converts it
into the *Church of Satan <http://www.churchofsatan.com/Pages/index.html>*.
Later he would declare: “The Satanic Age started in 1966. That’s when God
was proclaimed dead, the Sexual Freedom League came into prominence, and
the hippies developed into a free sex culture.” Nothing quite so fun as
pulling the squares’ legs, eh, Anton?

*****

On this day in *1973*, President *Richard Nixon* announces the resignation
of top aides *Haldeman*, *Ehrlichman* and other co-conspirators, in what
was the first in a series of pathetic attempts to offer up scapegoats in
lieu of the big enchilada, himself, who would last another year in the
White House, despite everything.

*****

On this day in *1975*, Communist forces gain control of Saigon and the *Vietnam
War* formally comes to an end with the unconditional surrender of South
Vietnamese president *Duong Van Minh*.

*****

On this day in *1980*, upon the abdication of her mother, *Beatrix
Wilhelmina Armgard* becomes *Queen Beatrix* of the Netherlands. 29 years
later, on this day in *2009*, seven people are killed and seventeen injured
at a Queen's Day parade in Apeldoorn, Netherlands, when a cuckoo-bird by
the name of *Karst Tates* rams his tiny little Euro-car through the parade
route, killing six and mortally injuring himself. Flash forward another
four years to *this very day*, and Queen Beatrix is, herself, abdicating
the throne and handing it over to her eldest son, *Willem-Alexander*, who
will be the Netherlands’ first king in 123 years.

*****

On this day in *1993*, deranged tennis fanatic *Günter Parche* runs onto
the court and stabs *Monica Seles* in the back during a quarterfinal match
of the Citizen Cup in Hamburg, Germany.

*****

On this day in *2004*, American media groups release *graphic photos
<http://www.american-buddha.com/abu.ghraib.htm>* of American soldiers
abusing and sexually humiliating Iraqi prisoners at *Abu Ghraib* prison in
Iraq.
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