PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MAY 14

[Mark Thibodeau]

On this day in *1607*, the English colony of *Jamestown*, in the state of
Virginia, is first settled. It was the first permanent English settlement
in the *New World*, coming on the heels of some epic failures - like the *Lost
Colony of Roanoke* <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roanoke_Colony> - and
would serve as capital of the colony for 83 years.

***

On this day in *1643*, *Louis XIV* becomes *King of France* upon the death
of his father, *Louis XIII*. The Bourbon royal, popularly referred to as
the Sun King, was only 4 years old at the time, enabling him to eventually
become Europe's longest-reigning monarch, ruling France and Navarre for 72
years and 110 days.

***

On this day in *1796*, medical researcher *Edward Jenner* administers the
first ever smallpox vaccination. Just imagine how thick that dull the
syringes must have been back then... Ugh.

***

On this day in *1948*, in the city of Tel Aviv, Jewish Agency chairman *David
Ben-Gurion* declares: "We hereby proclaim the establishment of the Jewish
state in Palestine, to be called Israel." Within hours, Israel is repelling
military attacks from pretty much all of its neighbors.

***

On this day in *1955*, the nations of Bulgaria, Hungary, East Germany,
Poland, Romania, the Soviet Union and Czechoslovakia sign a mutual defense
treaty. They call themselves the *Warsaw Pact*.

***

On this day in *1970*, the *Red Army Faction*, or *RAF*, is established in
Germany by *Andreas Baader*, *Gudrun Ensslin*, *Horst Mahler*, and *Ulrike
Meinhof*. The RAF described itself as a communist and anti-imperialist
"urban guerrilla" group engaged in armed resistance against what they
deemed to be a fascist state. Their terrorist activities mostly consisted
of attempts to free jailed members of their gang using violent means. They
eventually hook up with the*Socialist Patient's Collective*, or *SPK*, a
real bunch of nutters who believed that "illness as the protest against
capitalism and considering illness the anticipation of the human species
that does not yet exist but that should be created through illness." As
such, they took a hard-line stance against capitalism... and doctors. I'm
not kidding. In their own documents - some of which were co-written by
respected French philosopher *Jean-Paul Sartre*! - they proclaimed
themselves to be staunchly "pro-illness." You couldn't make up this crap if
you tried.

***

On this day in *1984*, Facebook co-founder *Mark Zuckerberg* is born.
That's right... the fucker ain't even 30 years old yet. How's that
Mac'N'Cheese taste, amigo?

***

On this day in *1995*, the *Dalai Lama* proclaims 6-year-old *Gedhun
Choekyi Nyima* to be the eleventh reincarnation of*Panchen Lama*, thereby
proving that, contrary to popular supposition, Tibetan Buddhism isn't any
more enlightened than any other world religion.
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