Paracultural Calendar for May 22 and 23

[Mark Thibodeau]

MAY 22

On this day in *1176*, a group of hired killers from *Rashideddin Sinan*'s
"Masyaf" branch of the Ismaili Hashshashin sect - also known as the
*Assassins* - make their second attempt to murder *Saladin*, a
world-historic figure who founded the Ayyubid dynasty, ruling Egypt, Syria
and beyond. They come close, but fail.

***

On this day in *1844*, the *Báb* announces to the world the coming of "He
whom God shall make manifest", thus founding the religion of *Bábism*
<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Babism>, a new religious movement that
represented a break with traditional Islam, and which was brutally
suppressed in Persia. However, since he is considered the forerunner of
*Bahá'u'lláh*, the founder of the *Bahá'í*
<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bah%C3%A1%27%C3%AD_Faith> Faith, and seeing
as Baha'i still revere the teachings of the *Báb*, it wasn't a total waste
of time.

***

On this day in *1856*, South Carolina Congressman *Preston Brooks* sneaks
up on, then beats the high holy hell out of Massachusetts Senator *Charles
Sumner* with a wooden cane because the latter insulted the former's state -
as well as his uncle's "honor" - in an anti-slavery speech. It was the
first act of physical violence to take place in the Congress, and is
considered an important precursor to the Civil War.

***

On this day in *1906*, the *Wright brothers* are granted U.S. patent number
821,393 for their "Flying-Machine."
***

On this day in *1954*, *Robert Zimmerman* - that’s *Bob Dylan* to you, me,
and *Jesus* - officially becomes a man when he’s Bar Mitzvahed! Mazeltov!

***

On this day in *1964*, President *Lyndon B. Johnson* announces social
reforms to bring an "end to poverty and racial injustice in America",
calling it the *Great Society*. Today, the only thing that remains of these
reforms is the *neoconservative reaction*
<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neoconservatism#Rejecting_the_American_New_Left_and_McGovern.27s_New_Politics>
to
them.

***

On this day in *1968*, the Skipjack-class nuclear-powered submarine the *USS
Scorpion* sinks with 99 men aboard 400 miles southwest of the Azores. The
Navy still isn't sure what happened.

***

On this day in *2002*, the remains of *Chandra Levy*, an intern at the
Federal Bureau of Prisons, are found in Rock Creek Park in Washington, D.C.
She'd been banging Congressman *Gary Condit* (D-California) at the time of
her disappearance in early 2001, and for a while he was a suspect... in the
media, if not officially. Eventually, the *September 11* terrorist attacks
knocked Levy off the front page and police pinned the murder on illegal
Salvadoran immigrant *Ingmar Guandique*. Case closed.

MAY 23

On this day in *1498*, friar, preacher, reformer, prophet and heretic *Girolamo
Savonarola* <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Girolamo_Savonarola> is burned at
the stake in Florence, Italy, on the orders of *Pope Alexander VI*.

***

On this day in *1618*, four Catholics are thrown out a window in Bohemia,
and even though they survive - it was a third floor window and they landed
in a pile of horse-shit - it still kicks off the *Thirty Years' War*. This
odd event is referred to as the *Second Defenestration of Prague*
<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defenestration_of_prague#Second_Defenestration_of_Prague>...
which means there was a first. Which is weird.

***

On this day in *1734*, Austrian hypnotist and all-around weirdo *Franz
Anton Mesmer* <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Franz_Anton_Mesmer> is born.
One of his secrets? Inducing orgasm in female "patients".

***

On this day in *1934*, American bank robbers-cum-folk heroes *Bonnie and
Clyde* are ambushed by police and killed in Black Lake, Louisiana.

***

On this day in *1945*, one day after being arrested by British forces,
*Heinrich
Himmler*, the closest thing to a High Priest of the Nazi Party and the
leader-for-life of the elite S.S. "*Schutzstaffel*"
<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ss> storm-troopers - commits suicide before
he can be questioned.

***

On this day in *1958*, communist dictator *Mao Zedong* launches China's *Great
Leap Forward*, trying to use China's vast population to rapidly transform
the country from an agrarian economy into a modern communist society
through the process of rapid industrialization and collectivization. The
experiment ended in catastrophe, with an estimated death toll ranging from
18 million to 45 million, although some scholars question these numbers.
Regardless, the failure led to Mao being criticized in party conferences,
which led him to initiate the *Cultural Revolution* in 1966, with a whole
*new *slew of fresh terrors being inflicted upon that particularly
masochistic population.

***

On this day in *1961*, the *Ford Motor Company* puts the finishing touches
on a specially modified *Lincoln Continental *convertible sedan for use by
the President of the USA. The jet-black Lincoln, with swing-back suicide
doors, is dubbed the *SS-100-X*. Two and a half years later, *John F.
Kennedy* is shot and killed in that very car, making it perhaps the single
most widely-seen automobile in history.

***

On this day in *1992*, Italy's most prominent anti-mafia judge *Giovanni
Falcone*, his wife and three body guards are killed by the *Corleonesi* clan
with a half-ton bomb near Capaci, Sicily. His friend and colleague *Paolo
Borsellino* will be assassinated less than 2 months later, making 1992 a
turning point in the history of Italian Mafia prosecutions.
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