Paracultural Calendar for Oct 4 and 5

[Mark Thibodeau]

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR OCTOBER 5

On this day in 1989, the Dalai Lama is awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in
recognition, I suppose, of his complete and utter failure to get the
Chinese out of Tibet. Or maybe it was to reward him for the "nonviolent"
way in which he fled the Chinese invasion in 1959. Either way, he's still a
guy in a skirt who thinks he's got the ghosts of the last 13 Dalai Lamas
inside him.

***

Acid-head Herbert Mullin was terrified that a monster earthquake was about
to send California sliding into the Pacific Ocean as a sort of cosmic
retribution for America's crimes during the Vietnam War. So, in order to
prevent this monster quake, Mullin did the only thing he believed might
make a difference… he began making human sacrifices! The fucked-up
fruit-cake butchered his first of thirteen victims on this day in the year
1972.

*** **** ***


Twelve years ago around this time, conservative multimedia titan Rush
Limbaugh was having a very bad week. It all started on ESPN’s Sunday NFL
Countdown, where he said of Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb:
"I think what we've had here is a little social concern in the NFL. The
media has been very desirous that a black quarterback do well. There is a
little hope invested in McNabb, and he got a lot of credit for the
performance of this team that he didn't deserve."

Within hours of Rush making the above statement, a number of sports
figures, journalists and political pundits were taking Rush to task for
injecting race into a sports show. Some people called on Rush to apologize.
A few even called on ESPN to fire him. Simultaneously, conservative
commentators defended their point man and standard-bearer. Their massive
rhetorical counter-assault was truly a wonder to behold, as the usual
gaggle of billionaire-subsidized conservative establishment bigots and
racists came forward to assure their racist, bigoted constituency that
Rush’s statement in no way meant that they had to admit that he was a bigot
or a racist.

And so, thanks to the ruckus generated by his big frickin' mouth, the
nation's eyes were once again on Rush Limbaugh, which is probably exactly
what he wanted. Unfortunately for him, fate (and the editors of the
National Enquirer) had been saving up a big steaming load of Karma to drop
on top of his vile shit-bucket of a head.

Within a calendar day of the start of his troubles, the world learned that
Rush Limbaugh - fire-breathing law-and-order pundit, big backer of the Drug
War and "mandatory minimum" laws - was a pill-popping opiate junkie. Thus
was explained his "mysterious" deafness, a common side effect of Rush's
particular brand of drug abuse. According to Florida authorities, the Big
Talker spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on tens of thousands of
mind-scrambling pain pills in a few short years.

In short order, ESPN fired him, and Limbaugh commenced to whining.
Apparently, none of his problems were his fault. He made himself a martyr
in his own mind - live, before an audience of millions - ridiculously using
his show to insinuate that he would be thrown in jail over what he said
about McNabb.

And speaking of jail, the fact that Limbaugh has never had to pay any kind
of price for his crimes really chaps yer old pal Jerky's ass.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR OCTOBER 4


On this day in 1535, the first complete English-language Bible – known as
the Coverdale Bible – is printed, with translations by William Tyndale and
Miles Coverdale. Why isn't it known as the Tyndale-Coverdale Bible? Because
life is brutally unfair, ladies and gentlemen. Even when it comes to doling
out Bible credits.

***

On this day in 1824, Mexico adopts a new constitution and becomes a federal
republic.

***

On this day in 1883, the Orient Express takes its first run.

***

On this day in 1927, sculptor Gutzon Borglum begins sculpting Mount
Rushmore.

***

On this day in 1940, a meeting takes place between Adolf Hitler and Benito
Mussolini at the Brenner Pass.

***

On this day in 1941, Norman Rockwell's Willie Gillis character debuts on
the cover of the Saturday Evening Post.

***

On this day in the year 1955, the fascist megalomaniac leader of the
Unification Church, "Reverend" Sun Young Moon, is freed from prison in
Seoul, South Korea. So pleased is he with his newfound freedom that he
orders his hundreds of thousands of followers to henceforth celebrate
October 4th as Victory of Heaven Day. It should come as no surprise that
religious freak Moon uses his Moonie millions to help out his buddies on
the American Far Right… people like Richard Nixon and Ollie North and Jerry
Falwell, and of course the Bush Crime Family. It's also interesting to note
that the Moonies own the Washington Times, as well as the University of
Bridgeport.

***

On this day in 1957, the Soviet Union humiliates the United States by
launching Sputnik, the world's first artificial satellite, thus proving
once and for all that communism is superior to capitalist democracy.
Meanwhile, in Canada, the first Avro Arrow rolls out at the Avro Canada
plant in Malton, Ontario. It was the most sophisticated jet plane of its
day, until a conspiracy killed it…

***

On this day in 1985, the Free Software Foundation is founded in
Massachusetts, USA.

***

On this day in 1988, US televangelist Jim Bakker of PTL (Praise The Lord or
Pass The Loot?) infamy is indicted for fraud. He would go on to spend many
years in jail, and shed many tears on TV.

***

On this day in 1993, in Moscow, tanks bombard the White House, a government
building that housed the Russian parliament, while demonstrators against
President Boris Yeltsin rally outside.

***

On this day in 2004, SpaceShipOne wins Ansari X Prize for private
spaceflight, by being the first private craft to fly into space.
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