Paracultural Calendar for Oct 10

[Mark Thibodeau]

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On this day in *680*, *Hussain bin Ali*, the grandson of the *Prophet
Muhammad*, is decapitated by forces under *Caliph Yazid I*. This is
commemorated by Muslims as "Aashurah".


***


On this day in *732*, near Poitiers, France, the leader of the Franks, *Charles
Martel* and his men, defeat a large army of Moors, stopping the Muslim
faith from spreading into Western Europe. The governor of Cordoba, *Abdul
Rahman Al Ghafiqi*, is killed during the battle. It was probably the
greatest (and last) great, world-historic French military victory.


***


On this day in *1580*, after a three-day siege, the English Army beheads
over 600 Papal soldiers and civilians at Dún an Óir, Ireland. Freaking
English, man.


***


On this day in *1888*, a plucky bunch of non-drinkers set off on a
"teetotalers excursion" to prove that you don't have to imbibe to have a
crackin' good time! Unfortunately, their train crashed in Mud Run,
Pennsylvania, killing 64. Many of the survivors become alcoholics.


***


On this day in *1928*, *Chiang Kai-Shek* becomes Chairman of the Republic
of China. *Mao Zedong* has a little something to say about that, however.


***


On this day in *1970*, in Canada's French-speaking province of Quebec,
the *Quiet
Revolution* gets noisy as a militant French separatist group - the *FLQ* -
kidnaps Quebec labor minister *Pierre Laporte*. After a series of bombings,
armed robberies and the earlier kidnapping of a British trade commissioner,
LaPorte's kidnapping was the last straw for Prime Minister *Pierre Trudeau*,
who proclaimed the U.S.A.P.A.T.R.I.O.T.A.C.T.-style *War Measures Act*,
under which the FLQ was banned, civil liberties suspended, and hundreds of
French separatists taken into custody and held without charges. But it was
all for naught, as LaPorte's corpse was found in the trunk of a car near a
Quebec airport eight days later. According to a stripper yer old pal Jerky
once spent way too much time and money on, the bastards had drowned him in
cheese curds and thick, brown chicken gravy.


***


On this day in *1973*, Vice President of the United States *Spiro
Agnew* resigns
after being charged with federal income tax evasion.


***


On this day in *1999*, self-declared King of PopTM *Micheal "Wacko Jacko"
Jackson* divorces his incubator-for-hire - and former nurse - *Debbie Rowe*,
citing irreconcilable differences... which is lawyer talk for "she didn't
have a penis, and she wasn't ten years old." During their three years of
wedded bliss, Jacko got Rowe to squeeze out two children for him to add to
his collection: one manchild named *Prince*, and one womanchild named
*Paris*. It is currently unknown exactly how much money Rowe was paid for
the rental of her uterus, but it was probably a pretty good wad o'cash.
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